Adventures at Midlife: You’re going out looking like that?

by Ms Meta of MetaFootNotes

ByJane read my recent Dr. Martens blogpost, and challenged me to take a broader look at fashion for older — and often, um, broader — women. HA! Like I have anything original to say about THAT. Just try googling the topic and you’ll find endless screens of advice. A few selections:

Fabulous After Forty is one of many sites that referenced Tim Gunn’s famous recommendations to Oprah: “Women in their ’40s should always try to avoid horizontal stripes, jackets that hit at mid-thigh, pleated pants, double-breasted blazers, Capri-length pants and low-rise jeans.” GUILTY. I like Tim, but I’ve got all six items in my closet, and they’re some of my favorite pieces. (The horizontal stripes are especially thin and tasteful, so I DO know better than to walk about looking like a barber pole, thank you. And, trust me, you’d rather see me in capris than in shorts!)

Fashion writer Carol Midgely in an article in the Times Online, also disagrees with Tim. “I do not wish to pick holes, but surely there are more pressing image issues these days for the middle-aged woman than a three-quarter-length pant,” says Midgely, who is more concerned about midlifers in kiddie cartoon tees and the “chummy mummies” who try to outdo their tarted-up daughters in the fishnets-and-miniskirts scene.

London Telegraph fashionista Sarah Mower got FLAMED for a recent article advising middle-aged women to resist the temptation to dress like their offspring. “I am going to be 56 and do not intend to disappear!” stormed one reader. But Mower refused to back down:

Pretending to be 10 or 20 years younger than you are always shows. When it becomes truly desperate, people will catch their breath at the sight of you, only to let it out as a laugh behind your back. So all I was saying was this: dressing “younger” can actually make you look older, and absurd with it, so don’t get caught out by accident… I don’t care how skinny you are, or how toned your body: when the face-age doesn’t match the dress-age, you look silly.

Even the men have something to say about it. (Watch out for those comb-overs, gentlemen!)

If you have teen-aged or young adult children hanging out at home, expect regular critiques, or at least lots of eye-rolling, at your pathetic attempts at being fabulous. Even significant others can join in the chorus, although I admit The Spouse, who is rather sparing with his criticism, has saved me from repeating a few style disasters.

So, what’s a girl to do? Dress not-to-offend, or throw caution to the wind? Totter around on those six-inch heels, or break out the Hush Puppies? Compete with our daughters, or (GASP! CHOKE! WHEEZE!) turn into our mothers?

Oh, calm down, and stay away from the Comments button for a minute. I realize the issue isn’t as polarized as all that. I know I begged the question by writing that Dr. Martens post, but the real reason why I bought those boots is that, once I tried them on, I didn’t want to take them off, which is the ultimate shoe test for me. They were COMFORTABLE. Conversely, I don’t wear short skirts because I continually feel like I need to pull them down in the back. They are NOT COMFORTABLE. And push-up bras or little thongs? PLEASE. They feel more like mini-straitjackets and butt-floss.

Do you see where I’m going with this? While I like pretty clothes and cute shoes as much as the next girl, I’ve reached an age when I’m no longer willing to be a slave to fashion if it HURTS. But I also love my swingy black leather jacket, and I don’t understand why something so basic and so easy to wear as leather would be inappropriate for a woman of a certain age or size, as some stylists maintain.

Given our history, this indecision is to be expected. Over the decades, we baby boomers have been a huge target for marketers and media gurus (or wanna-bes). We’ve been shouted at and ridiculed and coddled and profiled to the point that we often question our own judgment and look to “experts” for advice, when we are really our own best experts on ourselves.

I think it’s time to reject the tyranny of a fashion scene that often seems best suited for prepubescent boys (which creeps me out, but that’s a subject for another post) and wear what we like, what we think we look good in and what is comfortable.

Throw off those shackles, ladies — unless they happen to be one of those cute Tiffany silver heavy chain necklaces with the monograms which I’m told are best suited for younger women BUT WHICH I’M WEARING RIGHT NOW! HA!

Tagged as: dressing one's age, fashion, midlife fashion

  • http://www.laferle.com Cindy La Ferle

    I’m so glad women our age are talking about this. At 54, I’m just starting to shake off my own confusion over what is “age appropriate.” As so many smart women have noted here, we need to pay attention to what looks right on US — and not be hemmed in by someone else’s idea of how a middle-aged woman SHOULD look. To do that means we must know ourselves, be comfortable in our own skin, and above all, ENJOY our clothing. As another blogger wisely pointed out, we Boomers have been so brainwashed by marketers and magazine editors, that it’s hard for us to actually trust our own sense of what works and what doesn’t. Thanks again for posting on this topic.

  • http://midlifebloggers.com byjane

    Bri,
    You’re so right. I wonder, though, if the name of the store had something to do with the customer’s hesitance. When I see Forever 21, I immediately go in my mind to someone who isn’t accepting of not being 21. Okay, I go to that nightmare that haunts me: the woman I’ve actually seen (several of them) who when you walk behind them, you think they’re in their 20s and when you see their faces, it’s like Dorian Grey–they’re in their seventies! I don’t ever want to be that woman, but I love fashion. It’s a narrow trail to walk….

  • http://stlouistravelphotos.blogspot.com Bri

    I’ve been working this summer at a clothing store called Forever 21. I recently had a customer come in, admire my outfit and ask me if I could find her the same thing. We had to tweak it a bit since I hadn’t bought all the items I was wearing from my store, but we were able to get pretty close. After we had her dressed and she was looking at herself in the mirror, she asked me to honestly tell her if it was ok for her to wear this outfit. I told her she looked wonderful, and I was being completely honest. The outfit was cute, comfortable, and fun without being flashy. She asked me if I was sure and whispered, “But I’m 58.” I told her to look in the mirror. “Do you think you look good? Are all the clothes comfortable to wear? Would you feel uncomfortable wearing this in front of your family?” “No.” “Then age has nothing to do with it. There’s nothing wrong with you dressing a little more fashionable.” She bought the outfit and came back for another the next weekend. Clothes, to me, are about feeling good and that’s universal at any age.

  • http://bigsole.blogspot.com Verite

    I’m no fashionista, but my daughter bought a striped shirt for me and the first words out of my mouth were not “Thank You.” The belief that larger women shouldn’t wear stripes is embedded in my brain from years past even though I think that it may be the size of the stripes and length of the shirt that matter.

    I think as we know ourselves better we develop our own styles.

  • http://blog.candelariasilva.com Candelaria

    Dump the experts. Whenever anyone makes a general fashion statement – even someone who I generally like such as Tim Gunn – I groan. Women over 40 comes in all shapes and sizes and personalities.

    I think people should wear what they please that suits their pocketbook, their location and profession, etc. If you feel you can wear something, wear it. If how you dress offends me, I can definitely make sure I don’t have to look at you (much).

    Puh-leeze. Other more important things to think about – we have, don’t we?

  • http://midlifebloggers.com byjane

    That’s a good question, susan m. Why do we criticize other women’s fashion choices? They must make us uncomfortable in some way.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/susanmyrland/ susan m

    Why do women criticize other women’s fashion choices, anyway? If I go around wearing Crocs and capris, am I going to offend someone’s delicate sensibilities? Pollute the visual landscape beyond repair? Drag down the class and taste of everyone around me?

    And if so, is Tim Gunn going to buy me some new clothes?

  • http://hillcountryliving.blogspot.com Becky Lane

    That’s the great thing about maturity. Not only will I never choose hip and young looking over painful, I no longer choose age-appropriate over convenient, so it works both ways. As a teen I hated my long curly hair, because straight was in. Now I love it. I step out of the shower, dab on some gel, and I’m off! I love wearing pony tails, french braids, twists… My Mom thinks I should cut it off. She’s afraid people will think I’m trying to look like a teenager. But unless I want a ‘fro, that would mean fighting with hair dryers and assorted appliances every day, so I say “Tough titties Mom!”(which doesn’t sound very mature, does it?)

  • http://www.duchessomnium.com Duchess

    Well, if you were planning some middleaged kinky bondage, or going out cougaring — a verb that Ms Meta first introduced me to — that mini straight jacket and butt floss might be just the thing to get you in the mood…

    I won’t ask Ms Meta to fess up whether she’s actually tried a thong, but I will admit I have. If a longish comment is allowed I will say that it involved a trip to the designer outlet mall with my (non driver) elder daughter who had exactly five days to learn to ride a motorcycle in traffic before she was posted to Uganda. She fell off badly at a Swindon roundabout on day 3 of her training and, in tears, summoned me to come get her. There was really almost nothing for it but consolatory shopping. At the two for one sale at Calvin Klein Intimates she promised me thongs were like, totally comfortable.

    It turned out she was more badly hurt than I thought, so when she got done being distracted by spending my money we were off to the emergency room. And after I tried the thong I decided it was, besides being horribly uncomfortable (Ms Meta’s butt floss is just about right), like, totally unhygienic.

    Also like, totally pointless. This is probably the wrong forum for the question, but what is the purpose of a thong?

    Now, capri pants (that’s trousers to me) is another matter and, judging from Jan’s post, there will be general fisticuffs with any fashionista who wants to ban them.

  • http://midlifesatrip.com Karen

    Ms Meta–

    I’m sitting at my laptop still laughing about the mini-straitjackets!! Make no mistake, I like to look good in my clothes but at this point in life, comfort is king (or queen!) You capture the sentiment so well that I have to “ditto” MidlifeSlices and “Amen” with Jan. You sure do know how to turn a phrase, Ms. Meta!!

  • http://www.midlifeslices.com MidlifeSlices™

    OH darn….Jan said exactly what I was going to say, so now I’ll just say this:
    ditto Jan!

  • Pingback: Jan’s Sushi Bar » Of Crocs And Capris

  • http://www.janssushibar.com Jan

    “I’ve reached an age when I’m no longer willing to be a slave to fashion if it HURTS.”

    Amen, sister. Amen.

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