I thought all these issues I am facing now were unique to me. I’m a former struggling actor/writer who never “made it.” I’ve spent 30 years in a boring “day job.” From which I was just downsized! At age 51!

I’m at once excited about maybe, finally, figuring out what I want to be when I grow up and FURIOUS at myself for wasting so much time! (I tell myself it’s all good source material and it’s all going in the book. Which I will write. Any day now. When I get the courage.)

I’m so so happy to connect with other women who are at a similar time in their lives, questioning things, rejecting things, finding new things. It’s thrilling and scary and wonderful and horrible and exhausting!

Thanks for your kind words! You’ve raised such an interesting question.

I just wrote an essay that I published on WomenBloom that speaks to this: http://womenbloom.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=200&Itemid=55

I know what you mean about paths not taken, dreams, etc. Those are really little deaths that we grieve after, completely understandable.

I guess I have two things to say about that. First is, are those dreams really not possible anymore? Sometimes we assume not, but maybe a piece is still possible at the least. Or, it may not look exactly as we pictured but the soul of the dream is still alive.

But, if truly they aren’t possible, then hanging on to them (and the physical stuff that represents them) really may be keeping you from new dreams that ARE possible. I do believe that if we’re holding too tightly on to one thing, it’s pretty hard to reach for something else. The big surprise to me in letting go of so much was the psychological and emotional space it opened up.

I too would love to hear others’ thought on this.

Yes! It does seem to be a hard concept to grasp that when we are doing what serves our higher good, that’s usually when we are at our best for others.

And, you are so right about the mental changes. I had a wise friend who reminded me that all the external changes in the world were only a baby step to the heavy lifting of changing one’s own limiting beliefs. At bottom, that was my motivation for WomenBloom. I knew I had a lot more in me than my voices wanted me to believe.

Your blog looks VEERRRYY interesting…and, you sound pretty wise to me

Good luck crossing over the big 50!

Tell me more about “embracing the downsizing.” I’m going through that now and finding it difficult. I have no problem getting rid of outdated clothes and white elephant gifts. But those things that represent paths not taken, dreams that I thought I would have time for at some point and now realize I never will… those are much harder. I’d love to hear how others are dealing with this.

To me, midlife is the time to finally forget about what everyone says (especially those parent voices and critiques in our heads) and to finally realize that what feels right for us is not selfish, it’s for the common good. I mean isn’t it good for us all if we candidly tell people what we’re thinking and how we’re feeling instead of hiding behind layers of niceties? And that doesn’t entail job and environment changes, it entails mental ones. If a student can call me “the Elder,” then I need to act like one and spew words of wisdom and be an example of living the good life, where good is fulfilling and honest and worthwhile.

Laura (www.RebelliousThoughtsofaWoman.com)

Ooh, sounds very intriguing, I hope you’ll share. If I can do it, anyone can find a place in their life where they can make a change. Doesn’t have to be a dramatic one, even a small change can provide a disproportionate jump in happiness, excitement or passion!

Best of luck to you!
Allison

Thanks for stopping by! I hope you find a few useful things at WB!

Allison