Comments on: Betraying my age group http://midlifebloggers.com/2008/08/21/betraying-my-age-group/ Making The Most of MidLife--Together Fri, 17 Dec 2010 21:56:45 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.3 By: byjane http://midlifebloggers.com/2008/08/21/betraying-my-age-group/comment-page-1/#comment-2297 byjane Tue, 06 Jan 2009 22:33:27 +0000 http://midlifebloggers.com/?p=303#comment-2297 Donna, Thanks for visiting MidLifeBloggers and writing such a provocative comment. I went back to school in my 40s and 50s, so I know exactly what you're experiencing. Would you be interested in writing about it for MidLifeBloggers? Jane Donna,
Thanks for visiting MidLifeBloggers and writing such a provocative comment.

I went back to school in my 40s and 50s, so I know exactly what you’re experiencing. Would you be interested in writing about it for MidLifeBloggers?
Jane

]]> By: Donna Freedman http://midlifebloggers.com/2008/08/21/betraying-my-age-group/comment-page-1/#comment-2287 Donna Freedman Sun, 04 Jan 2009 02:44:29 +0000 http://midlifebloggers.com/?p=303#comment-2287 I just turned 51 and marvel at how "old" I don't feel. True, I make funny noises when I get up, and yeah, I don't bounce back the way I did when I was 21, but I somehow had this idea that the older you get, the older you THINK. Nope. I'm a full-time university student, surrounded by people (and teachers) who are younger than me. Getting this younger viewpoint/worldview has been interesting. It's a good idea not to be surrounded only by one's age group, I think; hearing from younger people gives you an idea of how people who aren't like you think and feel. You can then feel free to agree or disagree. I am happier than I have ever been. That's why I *do* challenge ageist assumptions. If a younger person makes such a comment, I will (courteously) suggest that four or five decades allows for the getting of wisdom, or at least experience. I also note that youth and vigor will always be overcome by age and treachery. :-) My favorite ageist assumption to date: In my first year of school (after 30 years away), we were reading "Sula" and the teacher noted that the author wrote the book in her 40s as a divorced mother. She suggested that the text may have been influenced by the author's newfound freedom but also by the struggle of two possible female identities: mother and sexual being. A young man in the class objected to that; he said that if the author was in her 40s and had children, she wouldn't be interested in sex. The instructor, who was in her 40s and had a child, looked somewhat startled; at the time I was 46 and had a grown daughter. So I blurted out the first thing that came to mind: "We're just in our 40s -- we're not DEAD!" The class howled. The teacher fought very hard to keep from smiling. The young man looked scandalized. I just turned 51 and marvel at how “old” I don’t feel. True, I make funny noises when I get up, and yeah, I don’t bounce back the way I did when I was 21, but I somehow had this idea that the older you get, the older you THINK.
Nope.
I’m a full-time university student, surrounded by people (and teachers) who are younger than me. Getting this younger viewpoint/worldview has been interesting. It’s a good idea not to be surrounded only by one’s age group, I think; hearing from younger people gives you an idea of how people who aren’t like you think and feel. You can then feel free to agree or disagree.
I am happier than I have ever been. That’s why I *do* challenge ageist assumptions. If a younger person makes such a comment, I will (courteously) suggest that four or five decades allows for the getting of wisdom, or at least experience. I also note that youth and vigor will always be overcome by age and treachery. :-)
My favorite ageist assumption to date: In my first year of school (after 30 years away), we were reading “Sula” and the teacher noted that the author wrote the book in her 40s as a divorced mother. She suggested that the text may have been influenced by the author’s newfound freedom but also by the struggle of two possible female identities: mother and sexual being. A young man in the class objected to that; he said that if the author was in her 40s and had children, she wouldn’t be interested in sex.
The instructor, who was in her 40s and had a child, looked somewhat startled; at the time I was 46 and had a grown daughter. So I blurted out the first thing that came to mind: “We’re just in our 40s — we’re not DEAD!”
The class howled. The teacher fought very hard to keep from smiling. The young man looked scandalized.

]]> By: Nothing Fancy http://midlifebloggers.com/2008/08/21/betraying-my-age-group/comment-page-1/#comment-567 Nothing Fancy Fri, 29 Aug 2008 19:26:39 +0000 http://midlifebloggers.com/?p=303#comment-567 Welcome to my world. As a 43-year-old mother to a toddler, I mostly interact with the 20-something mothers of toddlers. I go along thinking and feeling like I'm 30 - then BOOM! Big reminder...I'm 43. Yuck. Welcome to my world. As a 43-year-old mother to a toddler, I mostly interact with the 20-something mothers of toddlers. I go along thinking and feeling like I’m 30 – then BOOM! Big reminder…I’m 43. Yuck.

]]> By: No Clocks http://midlifebloggers.com/2008/08/21/betraying-my-age-group/comment-page-1/#comment-521 No Clocks Fri, 22 Aug 2008 16:26:59 +0000 http://midlifebloggers.com/?p=303#comment-521 Hey Celeste, I agree a lot of it is perception. When you're young, everyone beyond the limited world you can relate to appears old. And you want to remain separate from that, becaue until we figure out who we really are, the fact that we're YOUNG is a big part of our identity. It's a phase, I remember going through it too. The bigger question for me is: Why do we care so much what younger people think of us? That said, I totally get where you're coming from. Because I've tended to do things later in life than the average person, I've often found myself surrounded by people younger than me. At times I've been okay with it, other times, not so much. I just happened to write about this very thing on my blog, www.noclocks.wordpress.com. Check it out if you get a chance. Carol Hey Celeste,
I agree a lot of it is perception. When you’re young, everyone beyond the limited world you can relate to appears old. And you want to remain separate from that, becaue until we figure out who we really are, the fact that we’re YOUNG is a big part of our identity. It’s a phase, I remember going through it too. The bigger question for me is: Why do we care so much what younger people think of us?
That said, I totally get where you’re coming from. Because I’ve tended to do things later in life than the average person, I’ve often found myself surrounded by people younger than me. At times I’ve been okay with it, other times, not so much.
I just happened to write about this very thing on my blog, http://www.noclocks.wordpress.com. Check it out if you get a chance.
Carol

]]> By: susan m http://midlifebloggers.com/2008/08/21/betraying-my-age-group/comment-page-1/#comment-515 susan m Thu, 21 Aug 2008 16:46:12 +0000 http://midlifebloggers.com/?p=303#comment-515 My younger friends would occasionally make fun of women my age -- their clothes and their looks, particularly if they'd had work done. My best friend, who is also 47, dances with a tango group. The young women in her group often talk about "the really old people, like 40-something." She took some comfort in the fact that her friends obviously didn't see her as one of "those people" -- but both of us had the same reaction. We were hurt! I spoke to a few of my friends about it, but eventually realized that it's just something you can't learn until you reach those milestones yourself. So I cultivated more friends who are my age and older. In a work setting, I think you were probably right to let it slide. Age discrimination in the workplace is real, and there's no benefit in having your colleagues see you as a grandma. Save your energy to re-educate those who matter. My younger friends would occasionally make fun of women my age — their clothes and their looks, particularly if they’d had work done. My best friend, who is also 47, dances with a tango group. The young women in her group often talk about “the really old people, like 40-something.” She took some comfort in the fact that her friends obviously didn’t see her as one of “those people” — but both of us had the same reaction. We were hurt! I spoke to a few of my friends about it, but eventually realized that it’s just something you can’t learn until you reach those milestones yourself. So I cultivated more friends who are my age and older.

In a work setting, I think you were probably right to let it slide. Age discrimination in the workplace is real, and there’s no benefit in having your colleagues see you as a grandma. Save your energy to re-educate those who matter.

]]> By: msmeta http://midlifebloggers.com/2008/08/21/betraying-my-age-group/comment-page-1/#comment-514 msmeta Thu, 21 Aug 2008 16:39:27 +0000 http://midlifebloggers.com/?p=303#comment-514 Time heals all wounds and wounds all heels. They'll figure it out soon enough. Tick, tock. Time heals all wounds and wounds all heels. They’ll figure it out soon enough. Tick, tock.

]]> By: Ellen http://midlifebloggers.com/2008/08/21/betraying-my-age-group/comment-page-1/#comment-512 Ellen Thu, 21 Aug 2008 14:26:14 +0000 http://midlifebloggers.com/?p=303#comment-512 I wouldn't have said anything, either. But later? I would have used all my wisdom and wiles to destroy them, one at a time, personally and professionally. Bwwwaaahahahaha. No, really. I think that the ageism I'm constantly "perceiving" now is mostly just karma catching up with me from when I was younger and blithely dismissive of anyone who looked old enough to be my parent. I wouldn’t have said anything, either. But later? I would have used all my wisdom and wiles to destroy them, one at a time, personally and professionally. Bwwwaaahahahaha.

No, really. I think that the ageism I’m constantly “perceiving” now is mostly just karma catching up with me from when I was younger and blithely dismissive of anyone who looked old enough to be my parent.

]]> By: janissmyth http://midlifebloggers.com/2008/08/21/betraying-my-age-group/comment-page-1/#comment-511 janissmyth Thu, 21 Aug 2008 13:16:07 +0000 http://midlifebloggers.com/?p=303#comment-511 I don't know if you should have, but <i>I</i> would have, in a heartbeat, and teased them mercilessly afterwards. But that's how I am. I don’t know if you should have, but I would have, in a heartbeat, and teased them mercilessly afterwards. But that’s how I am.

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