To tell you the truth, I am in my mid 50′s and I think all the good ones have been taken long ago. I think it is too late in life to meet anybody at this point and that is why I gave up a very very long time ago. I may sound negative, but I am happily single, attractive and successful. Sometimes i think you are better off without the heartaches and dissapointments at this stage of your life.

Clearly there are a LOT of us out there. Sad to say but true. I think Duchess’s thoughts on it all made a TON of sense. Call me delusional but I have to think there are a few good ones out there.

At least we have each other! While I want a special guy, I am always so grateful for the women in my life. Sometimes I feel sorry for guys that they don’t have the same kind of support in general as we do.

OK, Universe. Come through for us great single women…help us find those great single guys!

Wow, what you say really resonates. I have observed that in comparing men and women who are widowed at least at a later time in life. The women rarely want to get into a relationship, a lot (not all) seem to almost enjoy being independent again even if they had a really good relationship with their husband. The men on the other hand, seem to fall over themselves to find a woman again. And, I often thought it was because they had no idea how to make life comfortable for themselves.

I always thought those things about folks in their late 60s and up though. Never thought about it from that perspective for 50. I guess I assume there are still lots of guys like me and you, wanting to be active, hike, still having a lot of excitement about life etc.

And, I agree on the sex thing. I’m not ready to give that up. Maybe it takes on a different character in our 50s, don’t know about you, but give me finesse over stamina these days

Anyway, that was really helpful, still a bit depressing but at least it makes some sense.

Hmm, you bring up an interesting point. I have often thought that I need to revise my expectations. Not lower standards, but my head I think is still thinking as a 30 something would be thinking about how a relationship looks and how it unfolds. Clearly, my life just isn’t at that stage anymore, no matter how 30 something I FEEL

I keep hoping but the whole thing is a puzzling and somehow not what I thought this time in my life would be.

Allison

I’m writing to you from the middle of the dating dead zone. Thought I was the only one there. Thanks so much for raising this issue with candor and your great sense of humor, although I know you don’t feel much like laughing. Like you, I’m finding it difficult to meet men who fit my basic criteria — kind, honest, reasonably smart, emotionally available, emotionally available — oh did I already say that? Where do others meet men with these qualities? Are they a dying breed or is this a fact of midlife?

Karen

Allison, I watched what you said about internet dating on the midlife minute over at WomenBloom.com (great site). I couldn’t believe you were so lovely, still single, and wanted a guy. I thought they would be falling all over you. It ought to have depressed me, I guess, but in a way it gave me hope. Everyone struggles, even smart, beautiful women like you, and there’s a lot of luck involved.

There are so many single women around 50 looking for a guy, but not a lot of single men — the reason is, I think, that guys usually have someone in place before they jump, and if they are pushed they get someone fast, as soon as they see what’s coming. The ones who have never been married probably have something the matter with them. At our age good guys just don’t stay single more than about 5 minutes, because 50 year old men (except the not the marrying kind) don’t function very well on their own. They are used to the things women give them. They fill the gap quickly and, frankly, I don’t think they are all that fussy.

We are.

I can’t agree with Liz, though. I’m 54 and I have NO intention of giving up sex any time soon (and no, I am not taking hormones, though I might if it seemed like I was losing too much of what made me me by not taking them). I don’t at ALL think it is a matter of weaning — as if you are growing up by giving up sex — or a matter of being further down the road as if it were progress.

I want a companion other than my dog (he can’t hold his liquor). I want someone active (hiking, biking, walking, I’m not fussed, as the Brits say). I’ll understand if he prefers Cohen Bros to romantic comedies, but yes, I want a lover too.

And no, I haven’t done very well on the internet either.

Now… back to unpacking my suitcase. Right after I jump start my very dead car. Or maybe a glass of wine, bath, and worry about it tomorrow instead.