Comments on: Adopting At Midlife: Telling Your Family http://midlifebloggers.com/2009/02/06/adopting-at-midlife-telling-your-family/ Making The Most of MidLife--Together Mon, 21 May 2012 02:15:00 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: Joyce Mason http://midlifebloggers.com/2009/02/06/adopting-at-midlife-telling-your-family/comment-page-1/#comment-2728 Joyce Mason Tue, 10 Mar 2009 15:53:26 +0000 http://midlifebloggers.com/?p=711#comment-2728 I was adopted when my parents were 35 and 36, which was "older" in the late 1940s than it is today. In fact, parents that old were hardly trendy. It was quite unusual. My parents were wonderful and I would not have traded them for the world. I feel I landed where I was supposed to, even if they were different from me in many essential ways. I have had many of the psychological issues of adopted adults, and when I found my birth family in my late 30s, both my birth mom and I got some incredbile opportunities for healing. It was her dream come true to reconnect with me, and overall, our time together (15 years before she passed) and the blend of my adoptive and birth families couldn't have gone better. I always felt that my "older" parents were more stable and experienced. They raised my brother early in their marriage. They weren't rookies on life or parenting. While it's tempting to wonder if mid-life parenting is a good idea, I think that's as individual as the people who do it. My husband and I married at 50. We felt it was too late for us, but had we gotten together 10 years earlier,in a heartbeat. Adoption is a thoughtful, committed process. It's insensitive to assume that adopting parents haven't weighed all the joys, issues, and responsibilities, especially on the brink of the wisdom years. I was adopted when my parents were 35 and 36, which was “older” in the late 1940s than it is today. In fact, parents that old were hardly trendy. It was quite unusual.

My parents were wonderful and I would not have traded them for the world. I feel I landed where I was supposed to, even if they were different from me in many essential ways. I have had many of the psychological issues of adopted adults, and when I found my birth family in my late 30s, both my birth mom and I got some incredbile opportunities for healing. It was her dream come true to reconnect with me, and overall, our time together (15 years before she passed) and the blend of my adoptive and birth families couldn’t have gone better.

I always felt that my “older” parents were more stable and experienced. They raised my brother early in their marriage. They weren’t rookies on life or parenting. While it’s tempting to wonder if mid-life parenting is a good idea, I think that’s as individual as the people who do it. My husband and I married at 50. We felt it was too late for us, but had we gotten together 10 years earlier,in a heartbeat. Adoption is a thoughtful, committed process. It’s insensitive to assume that adopting parents haven’t weighed all the joys, issues, and responsibilities, especially on the brink of the wisdom years.

]]> By: The Boomer Chronicles » Blog Archive » Adopting Children When You’re Middle-Aged http://midlifebloggers.com/2009/02/06/adopting-at-midlife-telling-your-family/comment-page-1/#comment-2726 The Boomer Chronicles » Blog Archive » Adopting Children When You’re Middle-Aged Tue, 10 Mar 2009 13:12:45 +0000 http://midlifebloggers.com/?p=711#comment-2726 [...] Here’s a thoughtful piece on adopting at midlife. [...] [...] Here’s a thoughtful piece on adopting at midlife. [...]

]]> By: Liz@Inventing My Life http://midlifebloggers.com/2009/02/06/adopting-at-midlife-telling-your-family/comment-page-1/#comment-2531 Liz@Inventing My Life Wed, 11 Feb 2009 03:17:39 +0000 http://midlifebloggers.com/?p=711#comment-2531 Wilma - you're right, most people are well-intentioned and would probably appreciate some guidance on what to say and what not to say. Wilma – you’re right, most people are well-intentioned and would probably appreciate some guidance on what to say and what not to say.

]]> By: Wilma http://midlifebloggers.com/2009/02/06/adopting-at-midlife-telling-your-family/comment-page-1/#comment-2530 Wilma Wed, 11 Feb 2009 02:14:09 +0000 http://midlifebloggers.com/?p=711#comment-2530 Wouldn't it be lovely if it became custom to write these letters for every event in our life and that they would be well received by the people for whom they were meant. So often we have no idea what is going on and in our ignorance or failure to find out we blurb hurtful nonsense. A letter like this can do a lot of good. Wouldn’t it be lovely if it became custom to write these letters for every event in our life and that they would be well received by the people for whom they were meant.
So often we have no idea what is going on and in our ignorance or failure to find out we blurb hurtful nonsense.
A letter like this can do a lot of good.

]]> By: Liz@Inventing My Life http://midlifebloggers.com/2009/02/06/adopting-at-midlife-telling-your-family/comment-page-1/#comment-2522 Liz@Inventing My Life Sun, 08 Feb 2009 21:12:59 +0000 http://midlifebloggers.com/?p=711#comment-2522 Michelle - nice to "see" you here! Thanks for the positive words. Allison - I have moments when I question whether I should really be doing this a single woman, but what I always come back to is that I'm pretty sure I would have more regrets later about not doing it than about going for it. There are probably ways you can incorporate it into your life without actually adopting - being a foster parent, being a Big Sister, other volunteer work with children, hosting international students - I'm sure you'll figure something out that works for you! Michelle – nice to “see” you here! Thanks for the positive words.

Allison – I have moments when I question whether I should really be doing this a single woman, but what I always come back to is that I’m pretty sure I would have more regrets later about not doing it than about going for it. There are probably ways you can incorporate it into your life without actually adopting – being a foster parent, being a Big Sister, other volunteer work with children, hosting international students – I’m sure you’ll figure something out that works for you!

]]> By: Allison http://midlifebloggers.com/2009/02/06/adopting-at-midlife-telling-your-family/comment-page-1/#comment-2521 Allison Sun, 08 Feb 2009 18:48:36 +0000 http://midlifebloggers.com/?p=711#comment-2521 Liz, I really admire you for pushing ahead with this and you bring to my attention many good points it's good to remember. At 51, I don't have kids (for many and complex reasons) but it's something I have some regrets over. I find myself at this point in my life wondering how to incorporate that desire to parent you mention in my life... Best of luck to you as you work your way through the process. Hope you'll keep us posted on your new adventures in parenthood! Allison Liz,

I really admire you for pushing ahead with this and you bring to my attention many good points it’s good to remember. At 51, I don’t have kids (for many and complex reasons) but it’s something I have some regrets over. I find myself at this point in my life wondering how to incorporate that desire to parent you mention in my life…

Best of luck to you as you work your way through the process. Hope you’ll keep us posted on your new adventures in parenthood!

Allison

]]> By: Liz@Inventing My Life http://midlifebloggers.com/2009/02/06/adopting-at-midlife-telling-your-family/comment-page-1/#comment-2520 Liz@Inventing My Life Sun, 08 Feb 2009 14:51:43 +0000 http://midlifebloggers.com/?p=711#comment-2520 Rhea - good point, my family doesn't have a lot of previous experience with adoption except for one of my cousins who was adopted domestically over thirty years ago. Rhea – good point, my family doesn’t have a lot of previous experience with adoption except for one of my cousins who was adopted domestically over thirty years ago.

]]> By: Rhea http://midlifebloggers.com/2009/02/06/adopting-at-midlife-telling-your-family/comment-page-1/#comment-2519 Rhea Sun, 08 Feb 2009 14:16:52 +0000 http://midlifebloggers.com/?p=711#comment-2519 I know sooooo many people who have adopted at age 40+ that it's not even an issue. Many of my friends have Chinese girls, but others have adopted in the U.S. and other countries. I know sooooo many people who have adopted at age 40+ that it’s not even an issue. Many of my friends have Chinese girls, but others have adopted in the U.S. and other countries.

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