Comments on: Adopting At Midlife: Telling Your Family

By: Joyce Mason

Joyce Mason — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 15:53:26 +0000

I was adopted when my parents were 35 and 36, which was “older” in the late 1940s than it is today. In fact, parents that old were hardly trendy. It was quite unusual.

My parents were wonderful and I would not have traded them for the world. I feel I landed where I was supposed to, even if they were different from me in many essential ways. I have had many of the psychological issues of adopted adults, and when I found my birth family in my late 30s, both my birth mom and I got some incredbile opportunities for healing. It was her dream come true to reconnect with me, and overall, our time together (15 years before she passed) and the blend of my adoptive and birth families couldn’t have gone better.

I always felt that my “older” parents were more stable and experienced. They raised my brother early in their marriage. They weren’t rookies on life or parenting. While it’s tempting to wonder if mid-life parenting is a good idea, I think that’s as individual as the people who do it. My husband and I married at 50. We felt it was too late for us, but had we gotten together 10 years earlier,in a heartbeat. Adoption is a thoughtful, committed process. It’s insensitive to assume that adopting parents haven’t weighed all the joys, issues, and responsibilities, especially on the brink of the wisdom years.

By: The Boomer Chronicles » Blog Archive » Adopting Children When You’re Middle-Aged

Tue, 10 Mar 2009 13:12:45 +0000

[...] Here’s a thoughtful piece on adopting at midlife. [...]

By: Liz@Inventing My Life

Liz@Inventing My Life — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 03:17:39 +0000

Wilma – you’re right, most people are well-intentioned and would probably appreciate some guidance on what to say and what not to say.

By: Wilma

Wilma — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 02:14:09 +0000

Wouldn’t it be lovely if it became custom to write these letters for every event in our life and that they would be well received by the people for whom they were meant.
So often we have no idea what is going on and in our ignorance or failure to find out we blurb hurtful nonsense.
A letter like this can do a lot of good.

By: Liz@Inventing My Life

Liz@Inventing My Life — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 21:12:59 +0000

Michelle – nice to “see” you here! Thanks for the positive words.

Allison – I have moments when I question whether I should really be doing this a single woman, but what I always come back to is that I’m pretty sure I would have more regrets later about not doing it than about going for it. There are probably ways you can incorporate it into your life without actually adopting – being a foster parent, being a Big Sister, other volunteer work with children, hosting international students – I’m sure you’ll figure something out that works for you!

By: Allison

Allison — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 18:48:36 +0000

Liz,

I really admire you for pushing ahead with this and you bring to my attention many good points it’s good to remember. At 51, I don’t have kids (for many and complex reasons) but it’s something I have some regrets over. I find myself at this point in my life wondering how to incorporate that desire to parent you mention in my life…

Best of luck to you as you work your way through the process. Hope you’ll keep us posted on your new adventures in parenthood!

Allison

By: Liz@Inventing My Life

Liz@Inventing My Life — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 14:51:43 +0000

Rhea – good point, my family doesn’t have a lot of previous experience with adoption except for one of my cousins who was adopted domestically over thirty years ago.

By: Rhea

Rhea — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 14:16:52 +0000

I know sooooo many people who have adopted at age 40+ that it’s not even an issue. Many of my friends have Chinese girls, but others have adopted in the U.S. and other countries.