Comments on: Why I Stay Home

By: Lindatall2

Lindatall2 — Wed, 06 May 2009 23:42:39 +0000

I so relate to everything everyone has said…I have to drag myself out just to go see a movie by myself. I just moved to LA and the effort to make friends is just not there anymore…I see myself turning into a real hermit and quite honestly it’s frightening. I do think it has a lot to do with hormones…before menopause I was always very sexual and I really think when you lose that sexual energy it affects every part of your life…it’s like the life force is just not there anymore. Sometimes I do wonder about the reasons for living a long life…I just don’t get it. I’m divorced, no kids, no family here…so it’s just different for me. I really don’t like living like this but I just don’t have the energy or motivation to change it (and I’m taking a ton of anti-depressants…so that’s not the answer!).

By: byjane

byjane — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 01:52:59 +0000

JustAnnT: Sounds to me like you’re doing exactly what you need to to recharge. I, on the other hand, have almost no people contact when I’m working.

By: JustAnnT

JustAnnT — Sun, 12 Apr 2009 22:05:16 +0000

I too have been struggling with hermitism. I work very hard all week with lots of people contact. In the evenings and on weekends, sometimes I don’t leave my house. I go for hours without speaking because there is no one to speak to

Trying to decide if I am depressed, bored, lonely, or just doing what I should be doing: recharging and getting ready to do it all again.

By: merlotmom

merlotmom — Sun, 12 Apr 2009 00:39:18 +0000

It’s not an age thing, it’s that damn depression thing again!

By: Oz Girl

Oz Girl — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 02:25:37 +0000

Hahahaha, I hear ya. Let’s plan something, you know, lunch perhaps. We can get all excited and then think of an excuse the day before, a back-out plan. I’ll probably get a sore throat or something….

On a more serious note, sometimes I force myself to go, thinking if I just get out there, I’ll have a good time. Sometimes yes, sometimes no that doesn’t work. Last year before I moved to Kansas, I even went the whole 9 yards (hair, makeup, outfit), got to the club where I was meeting a GF and thought, I DO NOT want to be here, and went back home!!!! That’s pretty bad, huh? All made up and I still ended up in my jammies…

You are probably right, all the base reasons for this kind of behaviour spell something I am sure. I am just not sure what.

By: byjane

byjane — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 20:17:23 +0000

Oz Girl,
Is your rural land anywhere near my rural land? We could meet in the middle and form a support group of two. I’d be real excited about doing it, but then on the day, not so much. Sometimes I force myself to go; sometimes I don’t. I really think this is a huge issue, not nearly so uncomplicated as it can read, with tentacles into all sorts of places in my life. I am determined to follow them, even if it’s just to understand and name them. Because, really, I’m getting in my own way here.

By: Oz Girl

Oz Girl — Sat, 04 Apr 2009 23:15:29 +0000

Wow, and I thought I was alone in feeling this way, and honestly thought I needed psychoanalyzed. I mean, what was wrong with me? I used to LOVE going out, for all the reasons you outlined. Being a wallflower all through school, and then receiving notice and applause when I dressed to go out with my GFs was, well, beyond gratifying to say the least. It was heady stuff for a girl who had never been noticed before.

Now, remarried and recently moved away from Ohio, my home grounds, I find that even when I return home, it’s an effort to get dressed up — the whole 9 yards, the makeup, the hair, and then yes, when it comes to the clothes, blech. I got down to a size 2 (again!) in 2006, but when my father had a massive stroke and passed away in Oct 06, guess what. Yep, now I’m at least 20 lbs overweight, if not more. I plead ignorance. And living here in rural-land probably aggravates my issue. I mean, get real, why would I put on any makeup any day at all??!

I’ve been pep talking myself the last few weeks — start working out again, you’ll feel so much better about yourself — but I just can’t seem to press the magic button, and get going.

I don’t even feel a burning need to be social, and when I do go somewhere with friends, 2-3 hours is longer than I want to be there. When I leave, the thought of getting home and getting into my jammies thrills me more than going out did!

Thanks for your post. Not sure how I will rectify my situation, but at least I don’t feel so alone with these thoughts any longer!!!

By: Ellen Besso

Ellen Besso — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 01:29:06 +0000

Hi Jane: Right on! It feels like an effort to me too. I’m good for 2 hours from time to time, out or having people in, although I prefer the latter (not for dinner though, just tea, who wants to cook?).

Brizendine, who wrote “the Female Brain”, says that the hormones that give us a kick out of sociallizing decrease a lot in menopasal women – so we don’t get the charge out of seeing friends that we did. Sometimes we don’t even care all that much about seeing close friends.

I definitely agree with what Verite says about trusting or accepting our need to not be social – maybe we thik there’s something wrong with us if we don’t do it??? I know a part of me thinks that way; another part doesn’t give a hoot!

Ellen Besso
http://www.ellenbesso.com/midlifemaze