Comments on: In Sickness and In Health

By: the Mayor

the Mayor — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 02:20:50 +0000

You are demonstrating a lot of grace in this situation. I’m sure the experience will have it’s challenges but what a great example of kindness for your whole clan.

By: Joanna Jenkins

Joanna Jenkins — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 20:04:31 +0000

I don’t know your “back story” but in the five months or so that I’ve been reading MidlifeBloggers and your posts, I’m not the least bit surprised you are the primary caregiver, in your house, to someone from your “past”. It is very clear that you have a good, caring heart and a solid head on your shoulders.

My heart goes out to you BOTH during this difficult time. Sending prayers and good thought your way. xo

By: Duchess

Duchess — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 20:53:13 +0000

Jane, I think I understand this completely. Your ambivalence about sharing what’s private. Your feeling about being a family, even when many things have unravelled.

I used to say that I would forgive my ex husband for our marriage but not for our divorce, and we stayed bitter for a long time. But everyone is better if it is not that way. We have four children and thirty years of history.

A couple of months ago I spent my birthday morning with my ex husband organising an ambulance to take him to the hospital. I knew he had a sore hip and I said when I dropped our daughter off (she was spending the night with me) I’d give him a lift in to work. When he didn’t appear I went inside, shouted up the stairs, and heard a call of, “I can’t get out of bed.”

I am always impressed at the way you manage that difficult line between too much reserve and too much information. Let us know whatever seems right for to you to tell. I hope the best for D. I am glad he trusts you to be the loving friend he needs.

In your house. (That’s important too.)

By: Oz Girl

Oz Girl — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 01:20:30 +0000

My 2nd husband and I parted on friendly terms. In fact, his current wife and I are friends and I’m invited to their kids’ birthday parties (well, when I still lived in Ohio I was). They lived about 1 mile away from me and I could still call my ex- to help with something around the house if I really needed it.

I think it’s a shame that when most people part, they hate each other as much as they do.

By: byjane

byjane — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 00:00:44 +0000

Pseudo: Thank you…

Elaine H: There never was any real bitterness between us. We ended with more of a whimper than a bang.

Julie: …and you all are the reason I do it. Family is family, and that’s what we are.

By: Julie

Julie — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 02:27:13 +0000

The pillar that holds the men together (your matronly) role, and the love we have for you became more apparent in the decline of the marriage. Irony. We have accepted abnormality to allow for a more complete unit that includes you. I expect D will seriously reevaluate his choices and make new and unexpected ones in the coming days. As you said, we have moved on without him in some ways, however, he increasingly refers to “we” as inclusive. Previously you were forced to be reactive at what was thrown at you, and now you are in a proactive role that has far more influence on all of us….

By: Elaine H

Elaine H — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 16:45:13 +0000

Jane–I think you’re simply doing what caring people who’ve been in a relationship do. My parents, who separated about five years ago with a great deal of bitterness, ended up coming together after my father had to have heart valve replacement surgery and suddenly was feeling very vulnerable and alone. My mother went to the hospital everyday, looked in on him when he was sent back home, and still visits to check in on him. They will never move back in together, but my mother has proved that the past, though hurtful, is the past and that today, there’s someone lonely and afraid who needs to lean on her in a way he never did when they were together. I think she considers it a blessing and we’ve all come to see my father as more human. Sometimes such things as a health crisis open us up to reserves of love we didn’t know we had. I hope you both gain from this experience rather than become simply the caretaker who didn’t ask for the job. Yes, you should blog! It will give you an outlet. Plus, we’ve all been through similar experiences….it’s surprising how what we believe to be our own tiny world of anguish is always familiar to someone else.

By: Pseudo

Pseudo — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 05:45:23 +0000

You’re a good person.