by Patrick Roden PhD of Aging In Place
Women, then, have not had a dog’s chance of writing poetry. That is why I have laid so much stress on money and a room of one’s own. - Virginia Woolf, A Room of One’s Own (1929)
The other day I was in the clinic assisting with a colonoscopy–the dreaded procedure of all 50-somethings. As one of my colleagues was attempting to open a hermetically sealed container to drop in a weary boomer polyp, he struggled with the lid. Not being able to open it with his first attempt, he jokingly said, “looks like I didn’t have my Wheaties this morning.”
As it happened there wasn’t any person younger, nor one from a different country or culture in the room—we were all American boomers (born 1946-1964). Thus, without a second thought or comment, we knew exactly what he meant: we all grew up eating Wheaties and expecting to become like the athletic icons on the front of the box. This is an example of a type of “cohort-effect” –the particular impact on and of a group bonded by time or common life experience. The reason I raise the cohort-effect is that I see it operating within a particular group of baby boomers—women fifty-plus.
My sister has a close network of boomer women friends who are either divorced or never married. Many of these women have successful careers, investments and savings, live in comfortable homes, and have no kids or husbands. They take vacations and go to movies together, attend parties and family functions with each other, and provide support in times of need. My sister and her friends now find themselves fixing flat tires and gutters, tasks they once would have delegated to husbands. In a sense, they are like spouse stand-ins, and they’re thinking of getting T-shirts made saying: “I’m Becoming The Man I Always Wanted To Marry.”
During their “white wine sessions,” they talk about pooling their resources in the future and getting a big home together. This is not an original idea; women all around the country are not only discussing the concept—but, actually doing it. In an article from AARP, The New Housemates, provides reports from the U.S. Census Bureau that 500,000 women 50 years of age and older currently live with nonromantic housemates.
The concept of women pooling resources makes sense on so many levels. Teaming up to spend retirement years together can be a winning solution to many of the challenges facing older women, such as aging alone, finding caregivers, needing rides, providing meals, friendship, and sharing chores. There are many things to consider– from sharing the simple activities of daily living tasks to the more complex legal issues, such as home ownership and tenant relations or inheritance. But the benefits may well be worth the effort. As with many ideas and concepts facing us baby boomers, however, this is all new. Still, it bears thinking about. To quote another life adventurer, Indiana Jones: “We’re just making this up as we go along.” Didn’t we start saying that back in the 60s?
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