Talking About Facelifts, Fillers, and the Whole Damn Aging Thing

I’ve just come from my bathroom mirror where I routinely try to avoid my reflection. That’s difficult to do, considering the mirror is almost eight feet wide. Perhaps I should swath it in gray gauze. Isn’t that a tradition some follow in the wake of a loved ones death?

I would be mourning my face. The one I had until last year when gravity had its way, aided by a major weight loss, and my face collapsed into folds I’d seen before only on a SharPei. Okay, I’m exaggerating, but that’s what I think of when I look in the mirror: those so-homely-they’re-cute dogs who have too much skin for their skeletons. I am at the same time horrified and fascinated. The former because–how the hell did I get to look this way? The latter because that’s not the me I see in my mind’s eye. I’m working at coming to terms with both those things.

Would I consider doing something about it? Having some “work” done? I might. Okay, I have. When I wrote about it before, I hadn’t. But now I will tell you that I’ve had Botox shot into my crow’s feet and Restylane shot into what are euphemistically called my marionette lines. I learned that what the professionals mean when they tell you you’ll look refreshed is that unless your dermatologist comes from the More Is Better school, you’ll still have the same creases and bags only they won’t be so prominent.

I’m at the stage of decrepitude (and I use that word most lovingly) where the only real answer I suspect is to get a face lift. If you clicked on that link above and read my last dissertation about plastic surgery, know that all the pros and cons for me are still pretty much the same. Oy, the money! Oy, the botched jobs! Oy, the pain!

I was recently sent a book by Canadian plastic surgeon, Peter A. Adamson, MD called Fabulous Faces. When I began glancing through it, I was doing so only in the most cursory manner. But then somewhere not too far in, my attention was caught by the specificity and forthrightness of his words, and I ended up reading the whole thing. It was more than an Insider’s guide to cosmetic surgery; it was the conversation you’d have with a plastic surgeon if the two of you were stuck in an elevator for a couple of hours with nothing to do but talk about his work.

After reading Adamson’s book, I realized that the biggest deterrent for me is: oy, the money! What would it take for me to justify spending such an enormous amount of cash? One friend who had a face lift did it to maintain her credibility in the youth-oriented industry she works in. Another did it because she wanted to be a viable competitor in the dating game. I can’t really relate to either of those reasons. So unless and until a compelling reason comes my way, I’ll work at gracefully accepting that–dammit, my life well lived does show on my face.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_YMYWXDWHZAQ4ONVYILFUH7HHGA Lucie

    I call them my laugh lines. Considering I am scowling half the time, they are there to remind me to lighten up and stop fretting about what I can’t doing anything about. Yes, its the whole Oy, the money for me too. Now if I won the lottery…..

    http://midlifemusingsbyluce.com

    • http://midlifebloggers.com byjane

      @Lucie,
      I’m trying to be mature about this, above it all, so to speak. Ha!

  • http://midlifebloggers.com byjane

    @daeja,
    What God taketh away (good skin), so doth He giveth (bad eyesight). Yeah, I’ve played that before.

    There was a piece in the NY Times Style section yesterday about this very subject. (Perhaps it’s that spring is here and we’re shedding our shawls and seeing what we really look like.)

  • http://midlifebloggers.com byjane

    @joanna,
    They (whoever they may be) say we should have started much younger. A little Botox here at 18 and some filler there at 32. They (oh, I guess they are the people who make money from this) say that that way there will be no signs of a major overhaul–no sending of the old Ford to Earl Shieb for a new paint job!

  • http://daejasview.wordpress.com/ daeja

    How timely a post.
    I was just looking at my eyelids and jowels in the bathroom mirror not five minutes ago and thinking, “I should do something about thi… I am afraid to do something about this… I can’t afford to do something about this… Why should I have to do something about this?”
    As you know from a past post, my whole body has become a Shar Pei. Where do you draw the line?

    I like what Walker said, above, about accepting the aging process. We have enough to worry about with achey joints and reading glasses as it is. I found the best solution is to walk away from the mirror – or not look to closely. You know….nature’s way of sparing you the horror of seeing all the lines is to make your close vision blurry as you age…… but then… someone takes a photo of you and ugh….

  • http://www.thefiftyfactor.com Joanna Jenkins

    I hear you Jane. All my friends are having nips/tucks and most are loving it but I’m not sure I can take that leap yet. For starters, I’d have to do my whole face (I’m 53) cuz if I just did my eyes and not my neck/chin, I’d feel like I remodeled the living room to perfection but now the rest of the house looks like crap– only it would be the top vs the lower half of my face. Oy, it’s a lot of money– And yes, I’m worth it, but it’s a BIG change and too scary for me.

    As the clock ticks and my face continues to move south, maybe I’ll change my mind…. If I do I’ll let you know how it feels/looks and if it was worth it.

    xo jj

  • http://midlifebloggers.com byjane

    @Bodaciousboomer–
    They’re gone? Totally gone? Sign me up, sister! I’ve been using Obagi for about a month now and I think mine are lighter. Maybe.

  • http://midlifebloggers.com byjane

    @Walker
    I read somewhere that the fastest growing demographic having plastic surgery are men! When I was in high school, more boys than girls got nose jobs and ears pinned back. So I think the urge is gender-neutral. And, yes, I agree–everyone has to make their own decisions for their own reasons!

  • http://awomanspage.com Walker

    I think everyone gets to follow their own path and make the decisions that seem right for them. But, I’m pretty opposed to corrective surgery to help in the romance department.
    For me, and I’ll just talk about my own opinion, it’s important that I learn to accept the aging process and be honest about what I bring to a relationship. From wrinkles to menopausal features- it is part of who I am. When I start trying to hide my age I’m just revalidating that societal opinion about older aged women. Why would I want a man who’s just fixated on youth.. he’d probaby dump me for a younger model soon anyway.
    We’re wise and beautiful, sexy and have lots to offer and damn it, I’m going to try and own all of that… and yes, I’m watching the skin on my neck sag and it’s upsetting but it is what it is.

  • http://Bodaciousboomer.com Bodaciousboomer

    I say if you can afford it without turning tricks and it’s what you want to for it. I just went through two IPL photofacials. (I have one left. The brown spots that were on my face from tanning when I was young and dumb are gone now.)

    I got mine for a fraction of the normal cost through Groupon.

    If I had the $$ I’d get a Lifestyle lift so I don’t have to wear turtlenecks in the summertime too. But for now, that’ll just have to wait.

  • Donna Hull

    I don’t mind looking old but I hate looking grouchy. That’s why I had those marionette lines filled. And when it’s time, I’ll do something about those drooping eyelids.

    • http://midlifebloggers.com byjane

      @Donna,
      I had the marionette lines filled too. It was okay, except first thing in the morning I thought I looked like Marlon Brando in the Godfather. Drooping eyelids—oh shit, now you’ve given me something else to obsess about.

  • http://midlifebloggers.com byjane

    @AnnTracy,
    And I have Grass Green polish on my toe nails. We are a pair!

  • http://anntracy.blogspot.com/ Ann Tracy

    Here’s to aging gracefully together! I can’t find a compelling reason either… of course I do put blue and aqua streaks in my grey hair … ;~ D

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