It is a beautiful sunset, isn’t it?
This is some version of what I see almost every night when I look out my back door. My reaction is instantaneous and unvarying. First, there’s the intake of breath and the ‘My God, that’s beautiful’. Followed almost immediately by, “Shit, that’s the only thing about Elk Grove that I’ll actually miss.” And with that realization comes a profound sadness–and frustration.
Sadness, that I’ve lived in a place for six years that still feels alien to me. No, I still feel alien to it. I’ve tried, I really have, to find a point where I can fit in. I’ve joined, I’ve participated, I’ve done all the things that we’re told make us part of a community. I still have no place here.
Frustration, that I’m still here, one foot poised to plant down south, but not quite ready to take the step. It’s a big scary move, and I’ve don’t want to do it precipitously. I want at least to have a place where I’m going to stop. That means an apartment that I have the keys to, one that will provide a likely setting for the next stage in my life. I haven’t found it yet, and I, eternally impatient, am trying to bide my time.
That’s my response to the Wordless Wednesday Writers Workshop prompt. Denise from Not What It Seems wrote this: Warning. Go visit….and tune in next Wednesday for the next prompt!
Jane Gassner
