Comments on: What To Call Adult Women

By: Lynne Spreen

Lynne Spreen — Tue, 08 Oct 2013 20:21:00 +0000

Yah, what was I thinking!

By: Rhonda Strong

Rhonda Strong — Tue, 08 Oct 2013 16:11:00 +0000

When I was a kid, “young lady” was what I heard immediately prior to being chewed out for some transgression.

By: Rhonda Strong

Rhonda Strong — Tue, 08 Oct 2013 16:09:00 +0000

For me, the question of first name v. “Ma’am” or Ms. Strong has to do with polite formality v. intimate familiarity, and I’m not the friend or co-worker of a restaurant server, a receptionist in an office (unless it’s my office too), the car rental clerk, and so on. I’d expect these people to be politely formal with their younger clients too. But yeah, I do bristle a bit more when the inappropriately familiar person is significantly younger than me, which probably has to do with being brought up to think that addressing adult acquaintances and strangers by their first name was rude, unless they asked me to do so. Has showing a bit of extra politeness to elders completely disappeared?

By: Rhonda Strong

Rhonda Strong — Tue, 08 Oct 2013 16:03:00 +0000

Considering that I have to explain to my students every year what Ms. means, I don’t think so.

By: Bratty Kathy

Bratty Kathy — Mon, 07 Oct 2013 20:33:00 +0000

I don’t see why there needs to be any gender description used by a waiter. I am quite used to waiters saying to a table of people, “Can I take your orders now?” “What would you like to drink?” (this last one said as the waiter casts a glance at all of us around the table.) I tend to be more gender neutral in all of this and don’t see anything wrong with that. If I am at a very casual bar or family restaurant I am also fine with, “What would you guys like to drink?” I use the word ‘guys’ all the time myself for groups of male and/or female friends, as in, “Hey guys, what do you want to do tonight?” I consider it pretty gender neutral. I tend to find the term ‘ladies’ rather patronizing and old-fashioned and it feels odd to me when some of my female friends use it. I also have no issue with being called by my first name, by anyone of any age. To me, I’m just ‘Kathy”. I don’t think it makes any difference where I or anyone else stands on any kind of ‘linear age continuum’. Being respectful of someone should have nothing to do with that. It is just respect for another human being. Of course a server doesn’t know my name, unless they’re writing it on my coffee cup at Starbucks. So, just a polite, “What would you like to order?” is perfectly fine and definitely my preference.

By: Lynne Spreen

Lynne Spreen — Mon, 07 Oct 2013 14:49:00 +0000

Do you think they’re saying Ms.?

By: Walker

Walker — Mon, 07 Oct 2013 12:52:00 +0000

I bristle at the young lady as well. Gimme a break, I’m pushing 60. And, as for Ma’am–that’s a respectful way to address women- I use it with older women myself. Given my first name I’m often approached with “Mr.” until they look up to see who is in front of them!

By: Rhonda Strong

Rhonda Strong — Sun, 06 Oct 2013 18:22:00 +0000

Susan, I hope that’s the motivation for “young lady” and “dear.” Many years ago, a midlife co-worker told me how much she hated being addressed by her first name by a young person she didn’t know – nurses, clerks, etc. That was news to me back then, but I oh-so-get it now. Perhaps I should try, “Sorry, have we met?” Or would that fly right over their heads?