Tag Archives: rant

The Museum of Extraordinary Things is keeping me up at night

Museum of Extraordinary ThhingsI’m reading Alice Hoffman’s latest novel, The Museum of Extraordinary Things in bed at night before I go to sleep. Even after just a few pages, however, I find I can’t fall asleep.

What keeps me up is marveling at how awful it is. Well, not marveling, maybe–seething, is more like it. The New York Times describedthe hackneyed and thinly sketched writing that diminishes many scenes in these pages.”

I’ll go further: try, leaden, flat-footed prose populated by two-dimensional characters who seem mere puppets in some play that Hoffman has created from a mashup of genres: historical fiction, magical realism, and bodice-ripping romance. Yes, it really is that terrible. 

There’s no losing myself in the story because the story is beyond predictable. In fact, I’m  reminded of the fanciful plot lines  my girl friends and I used to come up when we were pre-pubescent and playing with paper dolls or Barbies.

But lots of books that fit that description are published today–most of them sold in airport bookstores and/or under the Harlequin imprint–so why does this one make me so mad?

Because it’s being slid into the publishing world as literature because Alice Hoffman wrote it and once upon a time she wrote a worthy book or two.  And because of that and all the attendant hype, I bought it.

So, yes, I’m mad that I wasted money. I’m mad that the publishing industry can still foist pap on the public, provided the marketing machinery is working well. I’m mad that a brand-name author remains a brand name no matter what the quality of her work. And I’m mad that I lying in bed wide-eyed at night because I’m so–mad. 

And One More Thing………

by Kathleen Walker of Being Single Is The New Black 

 

Men: sometimes you really piss me off.

I am so tired of hearing  men saying, “I want a woman without baggage” or “Women my age have too much baggage” or my favorite “I want a woman with no drama”

This may cost me my estrogen card, but I am going to let you fellows in on a few trade secrets and probably be too blunt (which is, actually, the truer form of me).

ALL WOMEN HAVE BAGGAGE and THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS DRAMA FREE

There are very few women out there who are my age and by choice are single, with no kids, never married, great career & happy with where they are in life. I am not saying they are not out there. I even know one or two, but they are few and far between. We get married thinking Till Death Do Us Part (by we, I mean the non-Kardashian, Elizabeth Taylor, Britney Spears types). We expand our family by choice and sometimes by “Uh honey, the stick turned positive…hold on I need to puke again.

Most of us work full time and/or go to school in addition to maintaining a household, mothering the kidlets & wifeing the husband. Some of us stay at home and give up our careers to raise the spawn of your seed, and we do so because we love our family–or it is more cost effective. (Daycare in Orange County is almost as expensive as college tuition). This is not meant to take away what you do as the male in the household, but–

Here’s a few things you should know:

  • Few of us have the end intention of being a single 40 something divorcee who now has to do all of the above alone.
  • Few of us are prepared to have to date again after many years in the comfort of monogamy.
  • Few of us are blessed with becoming better looking as we age–unlike a lot of men.
  • Few of us are prepared to be judged on a first date because our time is limited because we have a beautiful child or children who makes our world spin. We can’t drop everything at the spur of the moment for a drunken weekend in Vegas or to go skiing in the mountains and cozy up to a fire afterwards (although we wish we could!). Sometimes we have to cancel last minute because kidlet is crying for mommy and the best thing for a fever after Motrin is mommy putting you back to sleep at 2 am.
  • Sorry, but there is always going to be the Ex somewhere in the background since he is Baby Daddy.
  • As women we will always have some sort of drama. Even if you do find the kid- and ex-free variety, they still have Aunt Flo to deal with. I’ll trade you cramps, bloating and is it Tampax-or-Kotex-kind-of-day for a day of morning wood and the decision of Ribbed For Her Pleasure versus Ultra Thin For His anytime. I’ll trade you a day of estrogen mood swings for a day of testosterone-induced maleness. Estrogen makes us crazy. Deal with it. This is the same estrogen that you love when our boobs get bigger and our needs become insatiable right before the week you become reacquainted with your hand and a porn site.

I may be a Drama Mama and have some Samsonite of my own, but you will never have a twenty year old with my prowess or mind!

One more thing:  if you are such a great catch with no baggage, why are you still single?

Photo credit: valentinelogar.com

What I Would Like–But Probably Won’t Get

  • I would like to have a full-time maid to clean up after me.  Or a mother.  Or at least a wife.  Someone to intuit when I no longer want something and throw it out for me.  Or tell me I shouldn’t keep it and throw it out for me.  Or whine about how messy I am but throw it out for me.
  • I would like the box boys at my local supermarket to stop trying to engage me in conversation as they wheel my purchases to my car.  I understand that they’ve been taught to be friendly to customers, but having a 16 year old whose voice hasn’t quite changed yet chirp at me, “So, got anything good on for this evening?” is mind-bogglingly inappropriate.
  • I would like Rick Perry to stop smiling with so many teeth–how many teeth does he have anyway?
  • I would like Mitch McConnell to take Andy Rooney’s place.  And I wasn’t even that fond of Andy Rooney.  But Mitch McConnell? He is all ten fingernails screeching down the blackboard.
  • I would like to be in a better mood tomorrow.

Now go visit taradharma.blogspot.com who has taken up the MLBNaBloPoMo challenge with me.  It’s not too late for you to join in.  Just shoot me an email–jane(at)midlifebloggers(dot)com–giving me your url so I can post it for all of us to visit.