by Susan Carleton of StonyRiverFarm
“Well, you’re over forty, what do you expect?”
More than one doctor has said this to me when I showed up with a complaint. Chronic headaches, fatigue, aches, dizziness, dry eyes, dry mouth, moles that look funny, foggy thinking and forgetfulness, irregular periods or night sweats, the list of midlife ailments is long and surely familiar to anyone else “of a certain age”.
Have you ever taken any of these complaints to the doctor? Perhaps you heard something like this:
“Tired? You’ve got teenagers and aging parents and a full-time job, why wouldn’t you be tired?”
“Aches and pains? You’re just overdoing it. Stop being a Supermom, get some rest.”
“Headaches are common for women your age. Have you tried ibruprofen?”
Many of us have suffered similar complaints, sometimes suffering in silence because what these doctors say is what friends and family have said already: it’s natural, it’s just part of getting older. Like rising mortgage payments and the trouble our kids get into, it’s just one more thing to deal with in days that are already have too many worries.
But what if your complaints aren’t something ordinary?
- >> What if that headache isn’t caused by stress, but by cancer?>> What if your fatigue isn’t caused by your hectic schedule, but by diabetes or multiple sclerosis?
>> What if your confusion isn’t a result of overwork, but of fibromyalgia?
Unfortunately, serious ailments like cancer, diabetes, MS and fibromyalgia — like headaches, fatigue and confusion — commonly show up in middle age. That’s the fear that drives us to the doctor, so it’s frustrating to be told we’re just getting older.
Very likely, your doctor isn’t just trying to pass you off through unconcern: it’s just that she might see dozens of patients every week, and 95% of their symptoms turn out to be no more than a natural part of aging.
Hopefully, you’re one of those 95% too. But…what if you’re not? Haven’t we all heard the nightmare stories of the women who complained to their doctor of fatigue and were sent home with vitamins, only to discover later that they had terminal cancer? Or, remember the lady who was given hormone pills for menopause, and later that day died of a stroke at home? Who wouldn’t worry, when fatigue or pains visit our own bodies?
So, how can you be sure you’re getting the best care, and the right diagnosis?
>>> Know your family history.
- If your parents and grandparents suffered heart attacks, your risk of heart disease is higher. If your mother, grandmother and aunts had breast cancer, your risk for that is higher. If diabetes runs in your family, know the symptoms in case it strikes you, because it just might.
Most of all, make sure your detailed family history is part of your medical record, so your doctor is aware of what your risks are.
>>> Know yourself.
- If you’re tired all the time, take a long honest look at your days: maybe you are simply overworked, and need a break. If you can’t get to sleep at night, try eliminating caffeine and implementing a bedtime routine for a few weeks, and see if things improve. If you get headaches, visit your optician in case it’s eye strain over an out-of-date prescription, or keep a food journal for a few weeks to see if the headaches are triggered by something you’re eating.
In other words, before going to the doctor, make sure that your complaint isn’t simply a result of your own lifestyle. Wouldn’t it be great news if you could improve your health yourself? Some simple lifestyle changes like better diet and more sleep really do make a big difference as we get older.
>>> Go to a doctor who listens.
- Your doctor should listen to you and take your complaints seriously. If you go to him or her with any of these symptoms, expect to be asked a long list of questions regarding your family history, lifestyle, other symptoms, and past illnesses or traumas.
Depending on your answers and medical history, you might also expect to be sent for blood tests, x-rays, or other tests, that will hopefully rule out anything more serious than simply reaching a milestone age.
If your doctor won’t investigate your symptoms, or barely listens while scribbling a prescription for migraine pain or HRT, find another doctor.
>>> Go to your appointment prepared.
- It’s easy to forget all your symptoms and details; write them down to help you remember. If you’ve had episodes of panic attacks, dizziness, headaches, etc., keep a list of the dates and times, so that your doctor can judge their frequency and possible causes.
Keep a record of all prescriptions, over-the-counter medications, and supplements that you’re taking, and the dosage. The more completely you can describe your complaints, the better informed your doctor will be as she considers a diagnosis.
>>> Be honest.
- What makes some of us–especially among women and mothers–so self-sacrificing and effacing? Over and over we’ll put our own needs and complaints aside so that our children can come first, so that our elderly parents can come first, so that our partners and neighbours and friends come before us…even the housework takes priority over our health and happiness much of the time.
It might be a hard habit to break, but this practice has no place in a doctor’s office: if something hurts, say it hurts. If you’re ready to cry, say that too. If you’re so tired you wouldn’t care if you fell face-first in your own grave if it gave you the chance to at least fall…say that too. Be as honest as you can.
If you’re feeling confused and can’t find the right words sometimes, let the doctor know if it upsets or frightens you: if you’re a post-grad student, classical pianist and run the local bank, then foggy thinking is going to impact negatively, and hugely, on your life. And who else can say it for you, if you don’t?
This is especially important for caregivers: we’re used to putting someone else’s needs ahead of our own. But when someone is depending on you for care, then the best thing you can do for that person, as well as yourself, is stay healthy. The one you care for is depending on you.
>>> Be patient…and be a good patient.
- When your doctor makes reasonable requests in the search for a diagnosis, such as keeping a food diary, submitting to allergy tests, having blood drawn or driving across town for a series of x-rays, do your best to accommodate those requests.
It’s in your own best interests after all, and even if you feel like begging off from uncomfortable procedures or long drives, they’re own best interests…and who knows, they may well save your life if any catch a treatable disease on time.
>>> Don’t worry.
- If something turns out to be wrong, don’t look at your diagnosis as the end of the world: see it as the first step toward treating yourself and relieving those symptoms that are plaguing you. Many midlife conditions such as fibromyalgia, depression, and diabetes can be managed quite easily once you know how.
If the diagnosis is more serious, stay strong, and rejoice that you caught it now instead of a single day later: the earlier something serious is diagnosed, the better your chances of fighting it successfully.
Just maybe, the diagnosis you receive will be “Normal”. Hopefully, all you need to feel better is a healthier menu, a little more exercise or stress-reducing meditation, or a routine to help you sleep better at night. Maybe, just maybe, your body is telling you it’s time to look after yourself as carefully as you’ve been looking after everyone else.
What do you expect? You’re over forty.
Take care of yourself!
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