by Walker Thornton of A Woman’s Page
Last week I sat down and developed a business plan, for the first time in my fiftysix years. I’ve spent these last ten months playing around with my memoir and figuring out what I wanted this next phase of my life to look like. I’m pretty sure it does not entail being the boss again or conforming to a nine to five lifestyle. So, with that in mind, I’ve been exploring freelance writing as an alternative career part. I’m making progress and have a few steady clients, but the money is not sufficient, yet, to accommodate my lifestyle. Hence the business plan.
I’ve also decided to work on a personal plan of sorts. My therapist/coach/meditation guide and I came to this as we looked at the business plan and realized it didn’t reference my memoir–the whole reason for leaving my job in the first place. Part of that personal plan is going to address my new status as a single woman. I’ve been here several times in recent years and one would think I’d have the whole without a man thing firmly in control by now. Alas.
So, I’ll write a personal mission statement and set up goals and objectives, additionally I think it might help to add a few reverse goals as well:
I will not use online dating sites again–or at least not until after March 30, 2011. Online dating turns me into an anxious, low self-esteem type person. I constantly check to see who’s looking at me and hold my own personality contest based on viewer statistics. Bad, bad.
I will not jump into bed with Mr. Starched Shirt. He’s got appeal and I’ve fondled his expensive shirts more than once. The catch is that he’s married, unhappily, but married for the long haul. He’s a temptation but I deserve better.
I will not fuss and preen and simultaneously thrust out my boobs while holding in my stomach every time I see a good looking man.
I will not make a fool of myself by tarting it up, wearing the pushup bra, and acting the desperate woman-you know the type.
I will not sit around on weekend nights feeling sorry for myself and acting morose… and drinking and red wine.
What I am going to do is write down what I would be willing to do in regards to men and dating. It sounds a bit odd but I don’t really know what I want in a relationship. Do I want a man for life? Marriage? Should he be someone who wants to talk daily and expects us to dine together every night? Or would a once a week or less companionable dinner and movie with some hot and heavy sex be satisfactory?
I tend to go for all or nothing. With the last two men I met we dove in quickly and went from zero to fully engaged pretty quickly. I have very little experience with casual relationships; I don’t even really know how that might work for me. So, I’m going to set some parameters which is more about getting clarity on what I want than anything else. And, It may be that I can’t do casual, maybe I settle for just being ‘open’ to whoever comes alone; taking it one day at a time and holding myself in higher esteem than I hold him. It would be the best gift I could give myself.
Photo credit: lmi-inc.com
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