Which of these make me look less Stevie Wonderish? The first ones, I’m thinking. Or maybe the second. Or perhaps both do, in which case I’ll chose either.
They are the new Haven sunglasses sent to me by Dioptics, Inc. They’re very special sunglasses: Fits Over Sunwear. Yes, it’s true; I’m wearing these sunglasses on top of my regular prescription glasses. Could you tell?
And why might I be doing that, you ask? Well, it might be because I didn’t think I’d ever need prescription sunglasses, what with being a confirmed contact lens wearer since I was 17 or so. But as you get older, shit happens, as they say and for me, part of that shit was my eyesight becoming less amenable to correction via contact lenses.
For years I had what the eye doctors call Monocular Vision contact lenses. One eye was corrected for distance and the other was corrected for close work. My brain got fooled into going along with this seeming lopsidedness, and I had no sense that my vision was anything but perfect. Until, that is, I had to look at things in the mid-range: driving I was fine; reading was no problem, either. But put me in a store where I’m looking for something on the shelves or in a museum where the displays are best viewed from some middle ground and I was struggling. I simply couldn’t see well enough to see what I was supposed to be seeing.
Last summer I decided to be mature about this and get a complete eye exam, such as I haven’t had since my mother was in charge of my doctors’ appointments. Because my sister had serious eye issues, we always went to proper MDs for all eye exams. Only an opthamalogist was good enough to test our vision; we had no truck with the far-less-qualified optometrists. By the time I was in charge of my medical bills, I had decided that optometrists would do just fine.
However, for this grand Complete Eye Exam, I heeded my mother’s clarion, albeit otherworldly call, and made an appointment with an MD. To say her exam was thorough is an understatement and I walked away with a prescription for trifocals. I also walked away with her advice to do as she did, only wear my contacts for special occasions. Yeah, yeah, I thought–this woman was a former air force pilot so seeing Real Good was probably more important to her. Me, I was still suffering from being told in fifth grade that“Boys don’t make passes At girls who wear glasses.”
Thus, when I took my prescription to be filled and the tech at Lenscrafters asked if I wanted sunglasses, I said no. What for. I only wear my glasses in my bedroom.
And then I took my prescription to an optometrist to get the new contact lenses. He must have been one of those that my mother warned me about because after weeks of fittings and repeated visits to get the latest iteration of my contacts, I walked away in frustration. Here’s what I got for my several hundred dollars and all that time: halos around headlights on the road. Even worse, I got lenses that flipped off my eyes anywhere anytime and travelled somewhere to the back of my eyeball where they remained stuck for as long as they wanted to be, willy nilly of my efforts to coax them out.
Did I stop wearing them, dear reader? Hell, no. But a funny thing happened. I lost them. I, who have not lost a contact in over forty years, suddenly lost two, each of them on a trip to LA. Fate, you say? Or perhaps the gods of good vision.
I was forced to put on my new trifocals and–wow! I really could see better with them. Distance, close, mid-range–everything was naturally clear without any effort on my part. But now, I had a problem. No sunglasses. Was I to squint into the light forever? Or would I have to fork over another $500 for sunglasses?
And that brings us to the point where Haven asked if they could send me samples of their Fits Over Sunwear. Perfect timing, I said, and when they arrived and I put them on–perfect vision as well. They have something called “Polarized TX7Advanced Lens Technology with Zero Friction Surface and Tough Coat.” I don’t know what all that means, but the world seen through them is crystal-clear.
I’m telling you all this because Haven gave me an extra pair, and I’m offering them here as a giveaway. All you have to do is comment on this post and I’ll use a randomizer to pick the winning comment. Then I’ll send the sunglasses to the winner–which means this giveaway is only open in the Continental United States.
Do you have a pitiful or pityless or just plain funny story about vision? Or do you just want to vote on which Fits Over sunglasses are more (ahem!) flattering to me. Tell us in the comments and you’ll be entered for the giveaway.
