Don’t know what your Google header was today, but this was mine!
June 28, 2014
It is the end of June. The time every year when I walk around in a miasma of existential doom brought on by the fact that in a few short days, it will be my birthday. Let me repeat what I consider to be the salient words: every year. This annual bout of dysthymia is not a function of the woes of aging. Nor is it particularly related to anything significant in my life at the time. I get depressed at the end of June no matter how well I’m feeling in the beginning. It’s my pre-birthday blues. I’ve had them fifty years so you’d think I’d get used to them. But they take me by surprise every year. And I spend precious time using all my analytic tools to figure out why I’m depressed. Until, it hits me: oh, it’s the end of June. Next week is my birthday.
June 30, 2014
July 3rd begins the end of my seventh decade. I’m testing my emotional waters for what I want to do about that. Honor it, yes, but how? I’m thinking a commitment to post every day for the entire year. A record of the year I was 69. It seems sort of life affirming to me, whatever that means. Maybe an Instagram post as well, or instead.
July 2, 2014
Spent the day with Janice, still and ever my best friend from high school. It is good for the soul–at least for my soul–to be with someone who has known–and loved–me in all my incarnations. We were dopplegangers at 15 and despite living at opposite ends of the country, we still are.
July 3, 2014
I must own up to my overwhelming feeling on this birthday–my god, I’m old! I don’t feel old. I don’t particularly think I look old (although some of my wrinkles have wrinkles), but when I think of the actual age I am–69–I’m appalled. How did this happen?
I can’t say that anyone is making me feel this way; it’s me, all me. Well–that’s certainly something to work on this year….
