by Janice, of Mom Says: Finally A “Room of My Own” – Oh – Virginia Woolf Would Be Proud!
In college my son learned to think of beer as a healthy grain on the food pyramid and not to consider underwear ready for the laundry unless worn three days straight. I don’t know what time he clocked in at night. He never wrote or emailed and only called if he needed money. But I knew, as long as his bank account continued to show withdrawals – he was alive and kicking. He had tasted freedom and it wasn’t called home.
I had to face the inevitable. He would graduate, get a job, maybe even move to another state. I was perplexed…I was confused… I was upset… I was sad. I missed the daily duties of parenthood. I missed being needed to make dinner. I missed him, I missed his friends, ?I missed our long conversations and our even longer arguments. I missed the time we spent together. It was disorienting when he finally (what we used to call ) “ left home for good”!
Our relationship was clearly altered. He was on his own and I expected my advice and my checkbook would no longer be needed. It was an enormous loss and I read self-help books about coping with the empty nest syndrome and talked to anyone who would listen. I grieved for my loss…and then …I rebound!
I rented his room, set my remote permanently to Lifetime Television for women and curled up in bed with an enormous bowl of popcorn. I didn’t have to acknowledge portion control or explain salty sheets. Dinners were whatever I desired – wine and cheese or licorice and jellybeans. Turning the kitchen into a garden I replaced the burners on the stove with flowering plants and used the refrigerator for storage.. The kitchen was always clean, the toilet seat was always down and since I don’t drink it, I never run out of milk. Who knew an empty nest could hold such rewards?
Just as I was discovering the joy of silence he announced he was coming home. “It would only be for a few months,” he said. He would get another job and be out before I even realized he was back. That was 3 years ago.
Mom’s Tips:
- Welcome him with open arms.
- Tell him he always has a home even if he no longer has a room.
- Make him dinner and discuss his job prospects. Be supportive!
- Make him dinner and discuss his job prospects. Try being even more supportive!
- Stop making him dinner.
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