Speaking My Mind–and getting told off for it
MidLifeBloggers doesn’t get a lot of comments. I’m not sure why that is. Could be we’re boring. Really? Is that possible? Nah, must be something else.
Used to be I was somewhat bothered by our comment-deficient state. It is, after all, one way the powers that be determine the popularity of a site, and in the early days, I was still harboring the fantasy that I could, merely by appearing online, create a website so stupendous that someone would want to pay me gazillions of dollars (or euros, I’m not picky) to take it over.
Okay, you can stop chortling now. I’m about to tell a sad tale of comment wars. Once upon a time….
While you all have been out having fun, I’ve been enduring the slings and arrows of a community that is Pissed. Off. At. Me. Last week’s Elk Grove Patch column was about my “sit-along” at the EG Police Department communications unit. I thought I was writing a relatively benign piece in which I criticized the department for two rather puny things, mainly having to do with their grim attitude. Turns out, that is not the piece the people who commented read. They read a diatribe against the cops foisted on them by a liberal, passive-aggressive shrew (and the latter is a direct quote). The police chief even weighed in with an editorial of his own in which he chastised me and then got a lick or two in of his own. I’m not going to go into the back and forth, because it’s all there at the links. I’m just going whine and moan a little about being maligned so unjustly.
Whine….Moan…..Erroneous Assumptions….Knee-jerk reactions….Bad Faith….Whine…Moan.
I got through the week by pretending I was Maureen Dowd. This thing of not wanting people to say or think badly of me is somewhat at odds, I realize, with my tendency to say what I think straight out. People don’t react well to that, I’ve found. Some of them tell me so, using very colorful language, and then my feelings get hurt and I have to go sit in a corner and feel sorry for myself. It has been easier in the past to just censor myself (yes, I actually do!) and, in the main, stay out of the public spotlight. However, I realize that’s a cop out. And bad for my mental health, not to mention my career.
Last night was the first meeting of the Citizen’s Academy after I committed the heinous sin of saying what I thought. I gave myself several stern talkings to:
You will not make jokes. You will not be defensive. You will not over-share. You will smile and thank your fellow Academians for their opinions. You will grit your teeth and dig your fingernails into your palm, but you will not snort or roll your eyes or interrupt with one of those cutting comments that are always on the tip of your tongue.
I did not.
I did not because no one said a word about the article. Well, actually one fellow did. He commented that the Chief seemed a bit defensive in his response to my column. The commenters who promised I’d be pilloried in class were, in a word, wrong. It is entirely possible that few of them read the column. It is entirely possible that those who did got what I was saying.
It is also possible that people who comment a lot tend to enjoy stirring the pot, making their opinions known, having their say. This week’s column is about pit bulls and chihuahuas and already the commenters are having their own version of a dog fight. Thus far, I don’t seem to be in the middle of it.
Photo credit: thingsthatwelearn.com
All Top Stories 
I wouldn’t call it boring, but you’re mostly just throwing it down there, and the response would be, Yup. Not exactly comment material.
When you extend yourself even a little, someone is gonna take it wrong. You should see what the folks on the somethingawful forums did to me when I committed the heinousity of taking a free blogspot blog that someone else had used and discarded. OMG, I got called the C-word, among other things. And y’know what? I didn’t give a rat’s because the people who would do that have already defined themselves as people I don’t care about.
I’m with @Walker “Screw ‘em I say… delicately and with a soft southern drawl!” ‘cept with a midwest accent.
@Suzy Ivy,
Thank you thank you thank you. It means so much to me because you are one of the Them of Us and Them.
I check in periodically and have always enjoyed your content. I don’t comment often but like you I usually say what is on my mind. As a police officer I have survived 3 police chiefs. They have all been arrogant, pompous fools. Need I go on? I can actually call my latest chief a good friend. I won’t take back one word of what I said about the 3. He’s still a friend but I can overlook a lot in the people I care for. They need to be shook up now and then. I’m sorry you were on the receiving end of a Chief’s ego. Keep up the great writing, telling it like it is, and proving you have a strong voice. I’ll try and comment more often!
I’m off to follow the link.
@Joanna Jenkins,
Well said. On subsequent posts, the commenters took out after each other.
Hi Jane, Those were some comments! Sheesh– and long too. I don’t know these folks but I’m guessing “stirring up the pot” is a regular part of life for some of them.
jj
Yhank you for sharing this as I can only imagine the frustration and seething (at least that’s what I would be doing) over your words being misconstrued. Once we start curbing what we say to ‘please’ we might as well start drawing daisies with sidewalk chalk!
Screw ‘em I say… delicately and with a soft southern drawl!
byjane reply on March 17th, 2011 10:55 am:
@Walker,
I’m getting used to it. It’s part of the deal with being out there.
@Duchess,
How many of the cultural literates know the source of your name? Hah!
@Vicki,
I know, I know…me too. Sigh.
People can be very defensive when they think they are being attacked – even if they aren’t.
Vicki
Update: apparently everyone (else) in the UK knows who Charlie Sheen is. I retire, defeated cultural illiterate.
Well, I quite enjoyed the sit along in the police station article. But I couldn’t comment on last week’s MLB post because it was about one of my least favourite subjects: American television. (Full disclosure: it is likely that even if I had ever heard of the show or the characters — and I had not — I probably would not have been interested.)
As for pit bulls (banned in England under the Dangerous Dogs Act) and chihuahuas, now there is a topic. I am hieing me right on over to the Elk Grove Patch. See ya there.