Dear Family
by Liz of Inventing Myself
It was wonderful to see so many of you at Christmas time; I’m so glad we were able to be together. This was the first time I had seen many of you since announcing my decision to adopt a child, and there were a couple of conversations that took place while we were all together that made me realize there may be some misunderstandings about what adoption is all about. So, I put together a list of tips and guidelines to help you understand adoption in general and my own adoption process in particular. Please feel free to contact me with any questions you may have.
1. I am not adopting because it’s trendy. Did you decide to get pregnant and give birth to your children because it was trendy? No? Then maybe you can understand that level of trendiness, or lack thereof, was not part of the equation when I was deciding to adopt. I want to be a parent, and this is the way that is open and available to me at this time in my life. Let’s agree that I won’t accuse you of trying to imitate your favorite pregnant celebrity and you won’t accuse me of wanting to adopt because I’m following in the footsteps of Madonna or Angelina Jolie or anyone else. Okay?
2. On a related note, I’m not interested in your opinions of Angelina Jolie. I don’t really care what you think you know to be true by virtue of the fact that you saw it on the cover of People magazine while waiting to pay for your groceries. It’s nobody’s business how Ms. Jolie decides to build her family, whether through adoption or any other way. And because I discovered after choosing my adoption agency that Ms. Jolie actually went through the same agency for at least one of her adoptions, and because I chose that particular agency in part because of its strong reputation for being ethical, I can tell you with some level of confidence that her adoptions were above board. So please keep your opinions to yourself unless you’ve got something other than rumors and gossip to go on.
3. I’m not saving or rescuing a child. This is a hard one, and one of the most common misunderstandings I’ve run across so far. First of all, I’m adopting because I want to be a parent (see #1), not because I want to do a good deed. And I know it may look like any child I adopt will be gaining a life full of many more opportunities than would be available in his or her first country, but my child will also be losing many things in the adoption process. My child will lose his or her country, language, religion, culture, history, extended family, food, customs, and the sense of belonging that comes from living in a place where everyone looks like you. From our Western perspective it may seem like what is gained vastly outweighs what will be lost, but there are many adult adoptees who say they’re not so sure. And none of us can really understand what it will be like for my child to be a minority in this country, and the only person of color in our family – which is why I hope you will understand when I start thinking about adopting another child, from Ethiopia if possible, in a few years.
4. It’s too late to recommend a country. I know you are trying to be helpful, but I did a lot of research and a lot of thinking before finally choosing Ethiopia. It’s the country that is right for me to adopt from for many, many reasons. I have more than likely already considered whatever country you are recommending, and decided for one reason or another that it will not work for me to adopt from that country. And frankly, with all the paperwork I did in order to adopt from Ethiopia, even if the country you are suggesting is somehow “better,” it’s just too late to change my mind now!
I look forward to seeing you all again in the near future, and hope that the above information is helpful to you when trying to figure out what to say to me while I’m waiting for my child to come home.
Love,
Liz
Image from: www.repmanblog.com/…/2008/03/18/letter.jpg
All Top Stories 
Pingback: The Boomer Chronicles » Blog Archive » Adopting Children When You’re Middle-Aged