The Dating Dead Zone Revisited
by Allison Allen of WomenBloom
Late last summer, in despair, I wrote a post here on Midlifebloggers.com after a particularly dry spell in my online love life. I was beginning to get a complex. Guys in my preferred age range 47 to 53 were looking for younger women. Or, they were acting flaky. Or, I was approached by men 10 to 15 years older than me, or, inexplicably, by simple country types from small towns, both too far outside my preferences. What was going on?
My MLB post appeared a few days after I met one of those flaky guys whom I was interested in, who had acted VERY interested when we met but from whom I hadn’t heard back. I had about decided never to darken Match’s doorstep again on account of guys like this.
Long story short, I got irritated enough to call that guy (who did he think he was dealing with anyway??) since he wasn’t calling me. Well, the rest is history. Six months later, Tall Slow-Talkin’ Texan and I remain flat smitten with each other.
I never expected (but secretly hoped for) smitten.
Weird timing, that. I’m ready to give up, and along TSTT came. Sometimes, I can hardly believe it, WHERE did he come from?? HOW DID THIS HAPPEN TO ME?
Whatever, my experience with TSTT provokes quite an interesting discussion about this question of finding a partner. In my mind anyway.
Doesn’t everyone have their image of the Perfect Guy? There is School 1 that believes in making a long, minutely detailed list of the qualities you want in The Man Of Your Dreams so that he will ultimately manifest when you least expect it. Then there is School 2 who believes that if you get too stuck into what he HAS to look like and be, you may overlook something better than you can imagine for yourself.
My experience with TSTT is score 1 for School 2. I had The List which mostly described a geeky, hair on fire, entrepreneurial guy with progressive tendencies. But, what do I know?
The universe, she toys with me. TSTT, a geek? Mmmm, not by a long shot.
Tall, slow talkin’ Texan smokes cigars. He hunts. Jalapeno infused tequila is his drink of choice. He drives a pick up truck because he has a ranch. He is fond of country western music although he considerately switches to jazz or classical when I’m around. He’s always in boots and jeans except when he’s wearing a suit and tie (ooh yowza!). He has a Texas drawl a mile long.
He is the keeper of the traditional, while I’m the embracer of the new. We are not of the same political persuasion (which has resulted in some, ahem, rathah VIGOROUS debates). I would drive a Prius if I bought a new car. I’m alternative rock and world music.
You say tomato, I say tomahto. Very funny, universe.
On the other hand, TSTT always wears just a tiny but killer touch of Prada cologne which makes me melt. And, he owns and enjoys wearing a tux. He’s in the legal field, so he’s got a lot of intellectual horsepower. His dry sense of humor cracks me up. Oh, and his mile wide romantic streak…I just the other day discovered while hunting for a garlic press in his kitchen that this is a man who has not one but TWO heart shaped cookie cutters in his drawer. Donnnhhhh! Think Sam Elliott, hard edged Marlboro man coating with a soft, creamy filling.
Who can explain chemistry?
Some of those things would not make my Top 50 list. But, TSTT’s whole adds up to so much more than the sum of my List. The field out there is already damned limited. Enough of The List needs to be there to ‘click’, of course, but I’ve decided that beyond that, for me, what’s important is, do TSTT and I have the same views of what we want our relationship to be?
When it comes to those essentials, TSTT and I are on the same wavelength. We work on regularly expressing our appreciation and gratitude for each other. We butt heads, but we don’t believe in angry, long silences, we always make up immediately after. We try very hard, despite our sometimes vast differences, to be open to what the other is saying. He is very romantic and I let him indulge himself (a great sacrificeJ). We respect each other’s personal and professional commitments, while consciously making time for us. We accept our mutual quirks and foibles. He is there for me, but doesn’t smother me. He lets me be myself and I let him (mostly J) be himself. We are independent, and yet, together.
We’re not always perfect in doing those things, but we strive to do them better.
Six months and it looks promising, very promising. Sometimes, I have to pinch myself for this good fortune. Maybe I’ll leave the universe in the driver’s seat for now.
Jane Gassner
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