A Cougar Moment
By Lynn of Old, My Ass
I’d show you a real photo of the two young pups I came across last month, but Uncle Sam might object. Just know that they are the few, the proud, the Marines that I met at a recent holiday party. And one of them — believe it or not — showed an interest in me. ME! A woman nearly twice his age! And he wasn’t even drunk, either!
Now, I’m not one who usually goes after younger men. It just feels–well–predatory to be flirting with a man/guy/boy/kid who could easily be my own son. But can I help it if he was drawn to me like a moth to a flame –or more like a moth to an old sweater?
When we were introduced, I felt SOMETHING. Slightly muted, but it was there. Chemistry, perhaps, smothered in a few coats of dust. But he was so YOUNG, so adorable, so buff, and I was so, so . . . SO not going there!
We started talking about little things and quickly discovered that we had a lot in common. Like a love for David Sedaris and Sean Hannity. I liked his confidence, his strength. (We arm-wrestled. He won.) His patriotism and how resolute he was about defending our country. And yes, I was attracted to his boyishness, too. I now understand why older men go after younger women: it makes them feel younger; it takes them back to a time when life was far less complicated. I felt that way that night — young and somewhat carefree.
Where were the guys like this when I was in MY 20s? Guys around whom I feel beautiful, intelligent and interesting.
Apparently, not even born yet.
It was a strange, awkward and wonderful dance of emotions that night. It ended sweetly, with a kiss on my cheek. He and his best buddy in the photo were going to be shipped off to Afghanistan soon. I’m worried for them. Their specific assignment in the Marines makes them the second most shot-at target on the battlefield.
He promised that when he returns, “I will track you down and give you the biggest kiss ever!” I’m blushing, but I plan to hold you to that, Soldier.
All Top Stories 
A sheynem dank, Yente Jane!
Jane,
Thanks for the introduction to James. Last night, you and I talked about different features you could add to your site. Perhaps you should consider an online dating service to help us midlifers muddle through that whole clumsy scene.
Lynn
James meet Lynn; Lynn meet James: I’ve had dinner with both of you and I think you’d enjoy each other’s company….
Lia, Delicate Flower and James,
Thank you for this meet-up and highly entertaining discussion. You are all so smart and funny, I wish we could all go out to dinner and laugh for hours over a bottle of wine — or two!
And James, would you believe that I actually DO live in the Sacramento area? In fact, I grew up here. I even knew a Jim McDonald, kind of, at one time. Rosemont area. That wouldn’t be you, by chance, would it?
Lynn
James McDonald reply on January 15th, 2010 12:04 am:
@Lynn: I don’t think that was me, I’m a Bay Area transplant and lived in Antelope and now Elk Grove. But hey! We’re both in the same area, so if you ever want to have that bottle of wine over dinner, I think we’d have a blast!
Lynn, thanks. I love your post. It is so honest and well done.
Awkward? Yesssss – unbelievably so. I never set out to look for younger men; never trolled the bars with younger men (or any man) as my target – I was simply out for a good time with my friends. Two factors: (a) Genetics – I have always looked younger than my age and (b) sense of humor and attitude. When it (having younger men approach me) happened, I was truly confused and conflicted. After a while, it sunk in that the universe was trying to tell me something, so I went with the flow. My fiance and I met each other at work. We shared many common interests, among them music, the arts, books. I thought he was older; he thought I was younger. We decided that, while not the norm, the age difference didn’t matter, and if we could deal with it, other people better get used to it as well.
I agree with Delicate Flower regarding the label “cougar.” I despise that tag. In his second comment, James so succinctly and perfectly describes the “why” for me. James: thank you. If I’m ever on the West Coast, I’d love to have coffee with you and Jane, to whom I am grateful for considering, critiquing and posting my essays on MidLife Bloggers. Check out Jane’s Writer’s Workshop: she puts a lot of effort into this, and Joanna Jenkins of thefiftyfactor and I are two of Jane’s students who always sit in the first row and pay strict attention. Thank you, Jane.
Ugh! Sorry for not checking back! For some reason, I thought that I would get an e-mail if there were other comments on this post!
@Lia: Hey, my biggest turn-ons are intellect and humour. If you can make me think and laugh, then I’m happily in the game. Age is NOT a factor. And by the way, “You go, Grrrrl!!!!!” When you find your soulmate, ages are irrelevant.
@Lynn: See above. You wouldn’t happen to live anywhere near the Sacramento, CA area, would you? Rawr!
Hey, I’m all in favour of take-out and a good movie at home. With me, however, you can keep the lights up. Oh! and it can actually be a movie made before 1995! 
@Lynn again: There is a difference between someone older on a fool’s errand to try and regain their youth by pursuing someone significantly younger, and two people in different age brackets who happen to find a connection. To me, that is what defines the “Cougar” phenomenon (although it’s interesting that there was not a name for the same scenario with an older male and a younger female. I’ve adopted the term “Wolf” to mean “Male Cougar”.). The women who actively (and often aggressively) pursue younger men JUST because they are younger men are the female equivalents to the “leisure suit Larrys” who prowl the clubs looking for their lost youth. They do not represent everyone in their gender/age bracket and as far as I’m concerned, they are just as pathetic as their male counterparts. Again, if two people find a genuine connection, then their ages do not matter, but you are unlikely to meet your soul mate while singling out a younger person at a bar. This goes for BOTH males and females.
@Jane: LOVE this site!!!!! You and I are LONG overdue for a coffee @ Coffee Bridge! Am I the lone male voice here? Hey, we’re not ALL about Football and Golf! Just because you’re sporting a Y chromosome, doesn’t mean that you are not able to relate to the issues affecting our XX counterparts!
@Lynn again again: Seriously, get in touch with me!
Thanks for the encouragement, Joanna. I’ll keep you posted.
Delicate Flower,
Let me speak for Jane and say, “Welcome to Midlifebloggers!” I, too, am new to the site. Jane has done a great job with it, hasn’t she?
I’m with you on the “cougar” term. Dating shouldn’t feel like a kill. That’s what marriage is for . . . HA! HA!
Anyway . . . is there another term you’d like to suggest for older women dating younger men? Maybe we can invent some new terminology.
Lynn
Lia,
You’re my new hero! I did the math, as you suggested, and it adds up to one very happy lady you must be. I’m curious, though. Was it EVER awkward for you? Did you ever question why he was interested in you when he could have gone in the other direction of the age spectrum, after all those impossibly perfect 20-year-olds?
Lynn
James,
Thanks for the laugh! You’re right — we “older” gals are really no different than our male counterparts when it comes to pursuing younger mates. In fact, we probably look just as foolish out in public as they do. All the more reason, I suppose, to keep the relationship private, take it “in-house,” if you will. Get some take-out, pop in a movie, turn down the lights (WAY down; the darker the room, the younger we look) and when nature takes its course, who cares how old the other one is, right?
Lynn
I read this post with the BIGGEST smile on my face! At 51, it’s been lightyears since a 20-something hit on me but it’s great to know that it still happens– albeit to someone else.
Hats off to you for going with the flow and having fun with the feelings it generated. I will pray for your soldier boy and watch this space for a report on that big kiss!
Cheers!
I think attraction is often a mysterious thing. I’ve had attractions before to guys in their 20′s but don’t think it’s for me. For one thing I want someone I can relate to on a more experiential level and too big of an age gap becomes problematic.
And, like you I’d think of how close he was to my son’s age…
If women want to date much younger men I see no problem with that. I do dislike the name “Cougar” . It implies a predatory nature that I would like to see kept out of relationship and sex conversations.
I enjoyed the post, this is my first visit to midlife bloggers!
Throughout recorded history, “mature” men have been hooking up with “women” young enough to be their daughters. Hell, there is a TV show about a harem of young chicks who vie for the attentions of Hugh Heffner! A man old enough to be their…well…ancestor!
My point is that there is a well established tradition of older males courting younger women, and far from being frowned upon this practice is celebrated. I say, what’s good for the Wolf is good for the Cougar!
Of course, there are challenges in ANY May/December relationship. Having to explain why every new political scandal has the suffix “-gate” appended by the media for example. The stares of disbelief when you describe a childhood without texting. Not to mention the bizarre concept that if a TV show was on at a certain time, and you were not there to see it, you missed out. At least until we got a VCR. Ahem…a VCR. Well, it’s kind of like a Tivo, but it used tape. Tape. It’s kind of like…oh never mind, let me just buy you another drink…
Lia reply on January 11th, 2010 9:30 pm:
Hey, you two (Lynn and James) are too funny. Maybe you’re the right age for each other?
I used to get hit on all the time by younger men. It wasn’t flattering – it was confusing. As in: My car or yours? As in: “So, is this your son”? As in: “Robbing the cradle, eh”? (What, what? I never stole anything in my life!) And, finally, the panic stricken what do I do now utterance: “You’re how old? You don’t look that old at all.” Poor, confused baby.
I don’t get hit on any more by younger men – not since I got engaged to my 41 year old fiance. I’m 53. (We’ve been together six years – do the math – it gets better.) Kinda put me out of commission. Happily.