no, this is not about Lauren Bacall…

It is about me and my nascent, but growing ability to keep my mouth shut. I have always been an In-Head-Out-Mouth kinda girl. It’s a function of having ADHD: a lot of the time, I have been clueless that something is inappropriate to say. Other times, it’ll be out of my mouth before I have a chance to think about it. But lately, I have been at times able to catch myself.

Like today. I was working my way through the circuit at Curves, thinking about the Sacramento Bee’s take on Crash winning Best Picture. Carla Meyer, their film critic, wrote that Crash’s win over Brokeback Mountain “suggests that same-sex theme might be the final frontier for the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, that even so-called liberal Hollywood has its limits.”

Nah, I thought, this idea that there is some Silent Majority that still controls the Academy is passe. Haven’t most of the Old Guard gone the way of their Leader, the Gipper? I was pleased with this idea; it seemed hopeful for the future. After all, I haven’t actually seen either film, so maybe Crash is the better movie.

The a woman a few machines down from me announced in a voice that could muster the Tall Ships, “Well, I’m just glad that Crash won it, because I didn’t want to see that Brokeback Mountain win any awards……”  She went on and on and on, but I couldn’t hear her. There was a roaring in my ears, and my heartbeat went up way above my Cardiac Goals. I wanted, oh how I wanted to do what I would have done in the past. Baited the homophobic bitch and then crushed her with my viper tongue (which doesn’t care if this metaphor is mixed).

But I didn’t. I held my tongue, kept my council, and satisfied myself with flicking my Hate Look at her. This is a look, taught to me in Fifth Grade by Linda Binstock (she of the emerald green contacts and proud bust) in which I narrow my eyes ever so slightly and pour all of the negativity in me outward. It has been quite an effective tool over the years. Whether it still is, I’m not sure–but I like to think so. As, if I’m having to keep my mouth shut, there should be some way I can express my displeasure.