Choices: how do you choose when you’re in midlife?
by Karen Batchelor of Midlifes A Trip
Several weeks ago on a great sunny Saturday afternoon, I went to the zoo with my sister and 4 year old niece who I call “the Peanut”. The plan was to let the Peanut hang out at the playscape for a while and then see the animals. Nice and simple? Not.
The Peanut didn’t want to leave the playscape and went into full drama queen mode. You haven’t seen crying until you see her in action. Tears began to flow, wailing escalated and her arms hung at her sides in the most pitiful dejected fashion. According to the Peanut at that moment she not only didn’t want to see the animals — she hated the animals. You could almost feel sorry for her if it wasn’t for the fact that it was a complete crock.
Now mind you, I love my niece dearly but as someone on the back end of parenting (my son is 32), I know an act when I see it. So I stood by for a few minutes while my sister cajoled, explained and did her best to calm the Peanut down and move her towards the animals. But when it became clear that my sister’s tactics weren’t working, I stepped in.
I invited the Peanut into “my office” — a space next to a picnic table and away from her mom. The Peanut continued to cry. I reached in my purse and pulled out a Kleenex which I held out to her without saying anything. Her sobbing slowed down and I could tell I had her attention. Then I said:
Peanut, you can take this Kleenex, wipe your face and come with your mom and me to see the animals. Or if you don’t want the Kleenex, we’re going to the car right now and leaving. It’s your choice.
The Peanut didn’t hesitate. She reached out, took the tissue, wiped her face and within minutes we were headed off to see the hippo, which wasn’t the biggest attraction for me that day. What was really amazing was how the Peanut – when faced with two clear choices — set aside the drama and made a decision that gave her the best outcome.
Watching the Peanut in action reminded me how far I’ve come. I used to agonize over life choices and hang out at the proverbial fork in the road. But now I move pretty quickly past the drama and get to the best choice. I think it has something to do with a turn I took on my midlife trip — and maybe having the Peanut as my role model.
How well do you handle choices at this point in life?
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It looks like Peanut removed her shell. It’s amazing what a little Kleenex can do!
Jane–love your comment about the agony being in trying to decide. It describes a feeling I’ve definitely had before. But in midlife, I try to keep the agony to a minimum.
Maggie–thanks for your comment about Peanut. You’re so right about midlife. And where can we get your book?
Karen
I love your Peanut story! Most of us midlifers reach a point where we realize that ALL choices lead us to where we need to be – or is it that we just decide to learn from each opportunity? It’s the constant recycling of our internal conversation that makes us crazy and immobilizes us, wasting precious energy and time. Perhaps once we hit midlife, we become more mindful of how rapidly time is slipping by, which makes it imperative to pull things into perspective…quickly!
I am the author of AMAZING GRAYS: A Woman’s Guide to Making the Next 50 the BEST 50 (Regardless of your hair color!)
I used to agonize over life choices too. If I took this, would I want that? If I went this way, would I wish I had gone that way? What I learned eventually was that it almost didn’t matter which one I chose because the actual agony was all in trying to decide. And often the energy I was putting into deciding was really stopping me from doing or feeling something.
Of course I forget that now from time to time, like: shall I stay in Sacramento? Or go back to LA? Or maybe the Bay Area? Or, or, or….!