Come Back, Little Mojo

by Connie of Fifty Is The New…

Okay ladies—as Joan Rivers would say, “Can we talk?” I’m going to go there—middle-aged SEX.

When I was young and juicy and single, I was really hot. I was a devotee. When I was in a relationship, I was a faithful and an enthusiastic lover. When I wasn’t committed, I was…let’s see…how did we say it back in the day? Hmmmm… oh yeah, “a good sport.” I couldn’t wait for that breathless, heart pounding, heightened moment of letting go and falling into a hot, steamy embrace.

I loved going out and meeting a new guy. I was a believer in the third date. Delaying, anticipating, teasing and finally releasing myself into that exquisite moment, well, I just looked forward to it so much. It never even occurred to me then, that I would ever feel differently. Yet, here I am at 57, in pretty good shape for an old broad, menopausal to be sure, and yet I almost never even think of SEX. I can’t believe it.

Not all of the older couples I know feel this way. I just had dinner with pals: he’s in his early 70’s, she’s in her 60’s, and they shared with me that they’re still hot after nearly 50 years of marriage. No Viagra or Cialis, just a little Internet porn and he’s good to go. I’m not sure what she’s doing, but, well, that’s her business.

Mind you, Pa and I do DO IT…now and then, once in awhile, and it’s always wonderful, and we always say we need to DO IT more often. But months can go by before either one of us says, “howzabout a little canoodling?” Then we put on Barry White, or Al Green, or Marvin Gaye (those guys always do the trick), light candles, get a little lit, and we get it on. But we have to make it happen and even then, we might say never mind, catch me in the morning (love that 36-hour window with the Cialis).

I’ve been with Lee now for 25 years, and of course, I love my husband and our marriage and the life we’ve created, more now than when we were new and horny. It is the single most important part of my life, but time has marched on and the hormonal flow has ebbed for us both, and we’re just not that into it these days. And really, we’re not that busy—we don’t have 9 to 5 jobs as an excuse, no kids, and the dogs don’t care—we have simply, limply, lost our Mojo. Who’d a thunk it?

Of course, this is all wrapped around our aging. He’s older than I and this started with him a while back. Then I entered menopause, and EGAD, all the desire just went out of me—there’s no fire in my fluff, no pep in my poonani. Okay, I do believe that this will pass, and I understand, as Dr. Phil likes to say, “you have to want to want to” and we do. We really do. We’ve promised to walk this road together. I do have an appointment coming up to talk with my doctor about bioidentical hormones. We’ll see if that puts the doowadiddy back in my wangdangdoodle.

I’ll be very interested to hear what all ya’ll are doing out there to keep that fire stoked. Does this happen in gay relationships? With people who aren’t married? Is this a challenge for everyone in our age bracket??? Can your Mojo come back? Me and Pa want to know.