Dieting At MidLife: Not What It Used To Be

This entry is part 12 of 20 in the series Aneurysm

Aneurysm

The Next Time You See Me I May Be Thin[ner]

by Jane Gassner

So–I bit the bullet, swallowed the Kool-Aid, and signed up for WeightWatchers. I did this once before. Back in 2004 and I was very successful. I lost I don’t remember how many pounds–certainly somewhere near my “target weight.” At that time, a lot of people I knew were also on WeightWatchers and our conversations mostly focused on Points.

“What do you think of the situation in the Middle East?”

“Did you know you can get a Hummus that’s only 2 points for half a jar?”

“Wow–eat it with a pound of carrots and that’s just 4 points.  Not bad for a midafternoon snack.”  (Warning: carrots turn temporary dental caps orange.)


We also got somewhat competitive about our Points allotment. I don’t remember what mine were back then (it’s an algorithm or some such thing of weight and age and activity level), but I do remember trying to see who of us could shave the most points off our daily total. Now, that strikes me as somewhat anorexia-ish; back then, it was a form of satisfying self-denial.

Before I had even reached my Target Weight, however, disaster struck. That pesky little aneurysm in my brain burst and I spent six weeks in the hospital. I was never so out of it that I didn’t worry about what Points I was being given on my hospital trays. I was, therefore, the bain of the Dieticians and they were forever visiting me to encourage me to Eat More. Hah! The fact is, though, their food tasted terrible, not the least of which was probably due to the enormous number of meds I was on. The fact is, as well, that I enjoyed being seen as a Problem Eater. By the time I was discharged from the hospital, I was well below my Target Weight. I remember spending a lot of time going through Us Magazine (InStyle was much too heavy to hold) picking out all the pretty frocks I would soon be wearing.

Then I was home and in rehab and I went on the Baskin-Robbins diet  .I never did get to wear those frocks–or any of the other outfits I bought myself before I got sick. Unfortunately, my days as a WeightWatchers devotee were over. I now had a Pavlovian response to the diet: WeightWatchers=ruptured cerebral aneurysm=almost dying. Yes, yes, yes–I’m aware of how illogical that is, but the mind will do what the mind must.

From that time to this–and we’re now in 2010, people–I have eschewed all diets. And frankly, I look it. I’m not fat; I’m what my friend Laurie calls “portly” (you can read a more detailed description of my figure woes here). Good feminist that I am, I work very hard on having a Reasonable Body Image, even if that means avoiding mirrors. I am the weight I am, tad um, tad um, tad um. Except—.

Except it’s not healthy. And I know it. For my body or my mind.

I’ve tried (!) in the past couple of years to go back to that lovely plateau of being only ten pounds over my highschool weight. I tried all the tricks that had served me so well in the past. Limit the sugar; limit the carbs.  Add grapefruit to every meal.  Eat only frozen diet meals.  Nothing worked. Those pounds were beyond pesky; they were stuck to my body in places they had never gone before.

That’s the thing about midlife: your body betrays you. It stops being your body and becomes the one formerly seen on your mother. Your metabolism gets as sludgy as an overgrown septic tank. What to do? What to do? What to do? Some get busy in the gym. Some go on diets. Some decide they’re just going to “live with it.” I was in the latter group of ‘Somes’. Then I moved into the middle group of Somes. Nothing in particular precipitated this; I guess I was just ready to get serious about the job.

So I’ve gone back to WeightWatchers. My daily points are 19. Yesterday I had–19. Today after breakfast and lunch I’ve had 6. That leaves me with 13 to play around with for the rest of the day and night. Not bad. Maybe I’ll only have 12 and save that extra point for another day. Maybe not.  Maybe I’ll just join the others at Does This Blog Make Us Look Fat and chuckle the pounds away.

Series Navigation<< The Weekly Rant: Target in the Bullseye, againIn Sickness and In Health >>

Tagged as: body image, cerebral aneurysm, dieting, midlife issues, Weight Watchers

  • http://www.Fitnesslabtv.com Daniel Norris

    Hey Jane,
    Great article… Thank you for you honesty and humor! My name is Daniel Norris. I am an exercise physiologist and part-time blogger. I think the WeightWatchers system is good for the fact that it makes/teaches people to read labels, count calories, and portion control. Is it a cure all? No, but it is a great foundation! Stick with it, You can do it! As you progress you might want to add a few other pieces of the puzzle into your daily Weight Watchers formula… For more Energy & Faster Results! Please let me know if I can be any help. Shoot me an email and check out my Blog when you have time. Hope to talk soon…
    Good Luck!

    ~ To Your Health & Success!

    Daniel Norris
    FitnessLabTV

  • http://barbarashallue.typepad.com Barbara

    I try and try to just focus on ‘health’ – but that’s hard to do when the pants I could wear last week are feeling a little snug. Middle-age can be really expensive if I keep having to buy new clothes!
    Good luck to you!

  • Ruby

    Nothing makes you more aware of how you’ve changed until you see a picture of yourself or when you’re told you have to lose weight slowly because you have NASH (fatty liver disease). I’ve always wanted to reach a goal quickly and to be told to lose 4 pounds a month seems excruiating, particularly when weight flucuates everyday. Boy does old age suck!

    • http://midlifebloggers.com byjane

      @Ruby,
      The alternative to old age is, I believe, even suckier. Although I do have a few friends who think they’d rather die than get reaaaallly old.

  • http://www.duchessomnium.com Duchess

    I don’t think I have had a tootsie pop since the last time I went trick or treating without a small child in tow. I think it was 1967 and I was a pirate.

    But, oh! the crinkling skin! I think, those really cannot be my elbows. They must be the elbows of some old person. And whenever I look at my once lovely, lovely feet I only hear Tennyson’s Tithonus. It’s a splendid poem, except for that unfortunately resonating half line “and cold my wrinkled feet”.

    • http://midlifebloggers.com byjane

      @Duchess,
      I can’t see my elbows. Don’t know why–is this a peripheral vision thing, or am I just not looking. But my thighs. And my feet. I’m working on a memoir of my mother in which I apologize to her for all the stuff I’m now suffering with.

      Tootsie roll pops are my drug of choice when I need to keep my mouth occupied and/or get a bit of sugar into my system.

  • http://www.duchessomnium.com Duchess

    But that’s the point! I haven’t let myself go at all… I don’t deserve the bloody menopot (as I have now learned to call it), but I have found it, or it has found me… I am incredibly careful about what I eat, I exercise (okay I drink too much), and I don’t weigh very much. But there is stuff I can grad on my belly. Yuck!

    Or do I need to learn to love it? Yum menopot?

    • http://midlifebloggers.com byjane

      @Duchess,
      Yep, it’s the drink that’ll do it every time. In my case, it’s the sweets. I blow up like a balloon when I have more than a single tootsierollpop in a day.

      I think next I’m going to write about the crinkling of skin–despite A LIFETIME OF DAILY APPLYING LOTION!!!!

  • http://www.thepowerof20.net Jeniffer

    I, too, have discovered midlife and a my middle are at odds. I tell myself it doesn’t matter, that I am so much more than just a physical image. Then I pass a mirror and wince, wondering–who is that overweight, round, old lady? And I do up my jeans, only to have love handles/muffintop/flab pouring over the top of them, hanging woefully from where my waistline used to be. Most days, I honestly don’t think of it. But I am doing something about it. I walk, I have started stepping it up to an occasional laughable jog. I even cut back on what I normally eat from time to time. But the Midlife Middle remains!
    What to do?

    • http://midlifebloggers.com byjane

      @Jeniffer,
      …and it doesn’t make me feel much better to know that all those washboard bellied 2o-30 somehings will have the menopot one day. Well, maybe it makes me feel a little better in a nah-nah kind of way. Because when I was their age, I swore I wouldn’t let myself go like that!

  • http://www.duchessomnium.com Duchess

    And what is with this post menopausal belly? I’ve spent more than half my life learning to accept my big bottom, and now it is rotating to my belly.

    I don’t think WW knows how to fix that, and I don’t think I have time to get used to it.

    • http://midlifebloggers.com byjane

      @Duchess,
      I believe it is coyly called The Menopot. I think the only recourse is lipo.

  • http://delicacies.wordpress.com Laura

    As I comment, ironically an ad for Jillian from the Biggest Loser is right next to your post.
    I just got off a lackluster 60 days at the gym… a medical exercise program, not that I worked to my fullest capacity. Ended a pound HEAVIER and up one point on the Body Fat Index! Damn… I blame menopause and now what….
    Like you I’ve tried it all and at this phase of life it’s harder than ever… flabbier too!
    Will watch and hope for inspiration.

    • http://midlifebloggers.com byjane

      @Laura,
      I see the same photo of Jillian. That’s Adsense coordinating ads with the copy–aren’t they clever! Except sometimes it has nothing to do with anything. Or is somewhat off topic. There was a point in time when Christian Singles were advertising a lot on MidLifeBloggers…..!

      I will keep you up to date on my progress–provided I make some.

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